Long Time Gone

oh dear, another one-way journey. the gravitational pull of myspace is pretty daunting--once there, it's increasingly difficult to leave. i got busy looking up folks from the past the other day. quite a trip to see how far along people have come since high school; almost surreal, since back then, i never really thought we'd get this far.

The occupational hazard of being an occupational hazard.

I hear the running of a faucet and the tapping of a toothbrush on a porcelain sink basin from next door. The bulletin board outside my door has two embarrassing photos of president bush from this month's "vanity fair" magazine, one list of sound bytes from the overly wealthy, "our vacation was too long, the kitchen is too large," etc., and one is a very disturbing Dolce & Gabbana ad. It depicts several young fashion models dressed in decadent Louis xiv-era aristocratic couture, with one young woman having just shot another in the forehead with a fancy revolver and swooning into the arms of a nude, well-muscled, Jesus-like figure (or classical, w/crown of gilded leaves). The facing page shows two aristocratic courtiers, one with a fancy fork to the neck of the other. Just unbelievable; a fashion ad! i should scan it in here to show you. It's been very quiet tonight, pleasantly so. i spent most of the day fixing up my room. I'm achieving an inner...

Heading downstairs into the foreboding basement/laundry room, with its whitewashed stone walls, overhead fluorescent lights, and four laundry machines feels like a one-way journey. The muffled music from the room just above the basement can be heard. tonight it was johnny cash. i was contacted by a friend of a friend who is in the media; she just might do a story about me and bipolar. that would be really exciting, to get my voice and my story out there, since i need to talk and others need to hear what i have to say. no more of this ridiculous and unnecessary and extremely harmful silence surround mental illness. so many people are on psychiatric meds, yet the stigma, secrecy, and shame continue. such inner peace tonight. it's a good place to do homework while waiting for one's laundry to be done: you're a captive in an extremely boring, window-less location. i think it could be made into a funky, almost comfortable place to contemplate one's dirty laundry--wit...

that it's a wonder there's any room for my internal organs. that when sitting down, i'm often the shortest person at the table. that standing up sometimes feels more like unfolding. that when i find a pant inseam long enough, the waist is up around my ribs. that there's almost no room between the bottom of my rib cage and my hip bones. that wearing a shirt tucked-in looks really, really bad. that grande battement and develope [ballet terms] are hard because my legs are so long proportionate to my torso. that i'm a pretty efficient walker. that two-piece swimsuits can look kind of silly.

we went salsa dancing tonight with ariel, her brother brendan, kate, and halie. pretty fun. i haven't danced in so long! i felt like i was falling all over the place, but didn't, actually. we have a wonderful new addition to the hall; ariel, who is warm, friendly, and outgoing. she got kitchen appliances for our kitchen, and her brother is visiting from uc santa cruz. she's thrilled to be at mills, and having a blast already. kate is really funny, halie looked beautiful, and brendan is the sweetest guy i've met in a long time. in fact, one of the only guys i've met in a long time! *frown* it's not hard to attract attention on the dance floor (for better or worse), but that's not the point. i'm finally starting to understand that that isn't the goal. the goal is to enjoy myself, un-self-consciously, not putting on a show, not worrying about whether i'm doing the steps according to the way my partner wants me to, or whether he finds me ...

Pam, Me, Dad, Grandma, and Mom at my dad's 78th birthday party in July [oops, sorry wom!]