Long Time Gone

It's over. McCain To Send Self Back To Vietnamese POW Camp To Revitalize Campaign PHOENIX, AZ—McCain's decision to revisit the indescribable degradation was prompted by a desire to reconnect with the struggles that defined him as a leader. I want to work on a presidential campaign, and/or be a well-connected journalist in DC, like the one on Keith Olbermann's "Countdown" show tonight.

I knew it! I just knew it. Everything causes cancer! Well, that isn't the least bit surprising, is it? No, and it's not literally true, either. The source of the new data is the über-fabulous, "environmental-tainment" website Grist .

Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell JAHANNEM, OUTER DARKNESS-The hijackers who carried out the Sept. 11 attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon expressed confusion and surprise Monday to find themselves in the lowest plane of Na'ar, Islam's Hell.

Rhetorical Pleasantry Elicits 45-Minute Response KANSAS CITY, MO-"When he put his hand on my shoulder, I knew it would be a while," recalled Harding, who could not escape from the monologue.

Iraqi President Jalal Talabani is coming to the US for treatment for obesity. Probably the wrong place to go to lose weight, don't you think? Perhaps obesity, rather than democracy, will be our legacy there. Maybe that's our strongest tool to fight terrorism--make them all morbidly obsese, so they wouldn't have the energy to fire a shoulder-launched missile or get out of the way fast enough after planting an IED.

I'm taking a page from Stephen Colbert's playbook, where he wonders whether Oregon is California's Canada or Washington's Mexico. Quite a brain-twister! The reason I link India and Brazil is that they both seem like such enormous, diverse, troubled, beautiful, vast, and complicated places. Speaking of Brazil, I think that translating one of Paul Coelho's shorter novels will be a great way to explore Portuguese. I currently receive the BBC's Brazil news page each day, and do some translating of it. Of course, Colbert uses geography as the basis for his humorous question, whereas I use culture, but still.

God Diagnosed With Bipolar Disorder NEW HAVEN, CT-The new diagnosis helps explain the contradictory aspects of the cosmos that have baffled theologians for years.

And what a shame that Scooter Libby has been punished for his wrongdoings, while people like Dick Cheney, who seem to me more like evil incarnate, should get by relatively unscathed, at least for now. It's not that Libby didn't make mistakes, it's that the punishment is arbitrary. Rule of law, anyone?

Thousands Lose Jobs As Michigan Unemployment Offices Close LANSING, MI—Michigan's unemployment system had outlasted the state's automotive and industrial sectors as the most enduring job provider.

As the perfect surprise, Jennifer and Kate came up from Orange County yesterday for my graduation dinner and a visit. Kate is a perfect eight month old baby who smells nice and has the clearest blue eyes. Jennifer is my best childhood friend and what a stabilizing influence! Calm, collected, no drama, no stress. Just as things should be. I hope to visit them soon. In fact, I really wish I could do some travelling now that I've graduated, to see friends and family I've had to neglect in order to survive bipolar and finish school. We'll see. I really don't enjoy Europe in the summer. Too expensive, hot, and full of tourists.

Being able to put anything I no longer want--an item of clothing, etc., right outside my door for others to wander past and pick up, rather than throwing it away. What's Great About Being Home: Knowing for sure that the bathtub is clean and who used it last. Quiet. Cleanliness. My sturdy queen-sized bed with firm mattress and lots of pillows.

The illness is like a wall that's kept me apart from the rest of the world for all these years. But it's an invisible struggle no more. Talking about it is like breaking down that barrier and feeling visible, present, and accounted for again. I wasn't wasting time, I was fighting an invisible battle for which I not only get no credit from strangers or potential employers or anyone else who would judge and misunderstand, but which I must hide, particulary on my resume. It's just plain wrong. My story is now a column in the San Jose Mercury News, by columnist LA Chung, from the paper's May 12, 2007 edition. It's online, I just forgot how to embed the link here.

Graduating yesterday, as the Assistant Provost placed the hood around my neck, I felt that cloak of legitimacy that a college degree provides permanently and finally granted. It's about time. It was so wonderful to see my hard-working friends and fellow students celebrate as well, surrounded by loving friends and family. It's springtime; a season of new beginnings, and that's exactly how it feels. Now I know why they call it "Commencement."

Paris Hilton and the clinker. Good riddance; welcome to reality. Is she today's Marie-Antoinette, an over-privileged twit who is hated for the larger corruptions that she embodies? [I don't mean to condemn MA as a twit, necessarily, since I don't know enough about her; there just seem to be some parallels between the resentment of her ill-deserved privilege and that of Hilton's]

I thought we already had a despot in the White House. Really, the last time there was a czar, Nicholas II, things didn't work out so well either for him or his country. Are we going to have a latter-day Joseph Stalin heading the country in the near future? Is that the takeaway message from this new position?

The evangelical movement, in short. Does anyone read the Constitution these days? God Angrily Clarifies 'Don't Kill' Rule NEW YORK-Responding to recent events on Earth, God, the omniscient creator-deity worshipped by billions of followers of various faiths for more than 6,000 years, angrily clarified His longtime stance against humans killing each other Monday.