Long Time Gone

Scharffie is making occasional appearances, eating (though not in front of us), and using the kitty litter. i volunteered today, and may tomorrow. then i'm going to carmel. i'm really excited about it. rishna's restaurant has good food and they take good care of me there. we'll hang out with andee, the dogs will party at nora's house, etc. saddam is gone. now that it's over, i think he should have been done away with long ago.

The first segment of a multi-segment stand-up show of Ellen's.

Busy, busy, busy! More later. I have a cat to find, a shower to take, an appointment to get to, and a loan to take out! A pretty shitty day, overall, for sure. Brian and I talked over dinner about the beginning of the AIDS epidemic. He lost his first boyfriend to AIDS. Now there's a whole new generation of young people who don't know much about it. That's a problem. *sigh*. i really don't know what to do. i wish i could go to bed and wake up tomorrow without any problems. "I would stay asleep my whole life if I could dream myself into a company of players." --Shakespeare in Love Gwyneth Paltrow is right, Tom Stoppard is the bomb.

We've just brought Scharffie home in his huge cat carrier. My dad and I are talking about him in German because we think it sounds funny. He is so happy I can't even tell you. It's adorable and it makes me so happy. He was hiding between the wall and the bookshelf and now he's between the sofa and bookshelf, behind the lamp. My dad is grinning from ear to ear and trying to coax him out. It's just heartwarming to have him. Anything to improve the quality of my dad's life is on my list. My dad is still pretty much himself and I am NOT looking forward to his Alzheimer's progressing, which it inevitably will. Unlike bipolar, Alzheimer's destroys the entire brain. It's a wretched and cruel illness, no doubt about it. my dad is calling the cat "Herr Scharffenberger!"

I'm conflicted about next semester. I really want to take five classes, because I've found five that really interest me and it's my last semester in college and I'd like to take full advantage of it, but at the same time I feel the need to spend as much time as possible preparing for the next phase of my life, i.e. graduation and finding a job and transitioning to the outside world. I fear that I'm holding on to the past rather than letting go and embracing the future. I also want to get in shape next semester, and taking five classes would make that harder. On the other hand, one of the classes doesn't meet for most of the semester (the UN class actually goes to New York), which would allow for more room for a fifth class. I'm conflicted. Another possibility is to take just 3.5 units so I could focus more fully on extra-curricular plans. There are so many classes I wish to take and so many languages. I'm hoping to get a Portuguese language tape fr...

Feet on the ground, head in the clouds. I love classical, choral Christmas music. There is something so pure about it, and it reminds me of my favorite things about Christmas when I was a kid.

Why am I majoring in International Relations if language and words are my first love? This is all so confusing. On the brink of graduating from college is daunting. I'm scared. I just want my life to be a bastion of healing.