Mid-Woche Update

Hier I sitze, waiting for my fifth and final load of laundry to finish spinning around so I can take it out of the machine and back to my room.

I've fallen into a pattern of staying up late, of late, and it's a tough one to break. I'm thinking ahead to getting a job and being self-supporting. I don't want to go back to Mountain View after I graduate. At the very least I want to stay in the Oakland/Berkeley area. I'm hoping I'll be able to find a job so I can pay for my own place.

I've felt quite blocked, blog-wise, lately. I fear my loyal readers are sloughing off like so much dead skin--please forgive the dreadful metaphor, I don't know quite what's going on in my head these days.

I've been in touch with a friend who's currently in Portland, which is nice. I may visit a friend or two in NYC when I'm there (less than three weeks away; I can't believe it!).

The end of my college career is beginning to feel like a breath of fresh air swooping down into and through my life, after years of living in stale stillness and dirty backwater. I miss writing; I miss literature and creativity. I feel like I'm digesting a lot and growing a lot emotionally. I miss my commitment to writing and I'm certain that my age and/or meds interfere with my ability to write--not too badly, however.

Mathematicians are allegedly past their prime after their late twenties/early thirties, so that speaks to when the intellect peaks.

I have to make sure that my life isn't performance art; it's way too easy for me to fashion myself into an image that I think others want to see, and then the person they grow to know isn't me at all. I'm tired of that facade, but when it comes to really being me, it's pretty frightening.

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