The Clear Light of Day

my mom helped me put a piece of the puzzle into place today. it's all about clarity; and the more clearly i see it for what it really is, the more able i am to let go of it.

we had talked about abuse and repeating behavior patterns, etc., and agreed that we were both committed to doing things differently. the abuse began to sneak in, though, and i can see that sh*t coming a mile away and knew exactly what it was when it hit. and, i didn't believe it. in retrospect, that's what it was. a kink in her operating system she wasn't dealing with. automatic danger. it's one thing if folks are prepared to deal with all of their stuff, but if they're in denial about anything, it's just going to get larger and larger until something is done.

it was always going to go in just one direction. the signs were there. there really is such a thing as "too good to be true." if that's "too good to be true," then what's the real deal? where is the real goodness? what does it look and feel like? i guess i shouldn't have to ask; i'll just know. that's what i hope, anyway.