Climbing Back into my Own Mind
[i never know which words to capitalize and which not to in blog post titles]
i spend too much time in others' heads. it was helpful to speak with the oracle about that today. flashes of loneliness, moments of relief, insights that lift burdens and doubts and fill in empty spaces in between the lines. so much recovering to do. lots is underway. such a relief to have an island to rest on once a week, to catch my breath, dry off a bit. i remember vacating my own mind when it was under siege those many years ago (i still can't believe I'm missing a huge chunk of years).
i got two good reports from doctors yesterday. Woodrow said that this is the best he's ever seen me, and we've been working together since 1999 or 2000. i agree. i feel more composed than ever, more on top of things. I'd forgotten how easy life is without the symptoms. effortless. I'd take "real life" problems over the illness any day. it's good that this is a more solitary semester because while i miss the camaraderie and family-like atmosphere of our hall last year, i do need to spend quality time with myself in this crucial last year before i graduate.
even doing yoga and exercises on my mat before bed helps me re-settle myself back in my own mind. it was so much easier to jump ship and stay off, but now it's time to come back. I'm almost content to sit in my own room doing my homework because i enjoy it, it feels good to be able to stay on top of my work, and i simply need to devote lots of time because i do have so much of it. brenna said--when she was studying in here earlier--that it feels like a parisian apartment to her. i don't know about that (well, half the girls' rooms here could fit that description), but i'm very happy with it. i wanted to make it feel like a home because i've never had my own place before.
lots of anxiety about the french présentation lundi. summarizing the article will be fine; as will be talking about the poetry and thèmes once i decide which ones to cover. we're bringing in indian food for our présentation--i'm so excited--because the poetry talks about indian spices and we're trying to illustrate our points from a sensory perspective--kind of a three-dimensional presentation. très cool.
i spend too much time in others' heads. it was helpful to speak with the oracle about that today. flashes of loneliness, moments of relief, insights that lift burdens and doubts and fill in empty spaces in between the lines. so much recovering to do. lots is underway. such a relief to have an island to rest on once a week, to catch my breath, dry off a bit. i remember vacating my own mind when it was under siege those many years ago (i still can't believe I'm missing a huge chunk of years).
i got two good reports from doctors yesterday. Woodrow said that this is the best he's ever seen me, and we've been working together since 1999 or 2000. i agree. i feel more composed than ever, more on top of things. I'd forgotten how easy life is without the symptoms. effortless. I'd take "real life" problems over the illness any day. it's good that this is a more solitary semester because while i miss the camaraderie and family-like atmosphere of our hall last year, i do need to spend quality time with myself in this crucial last year before i graduate.
even doing yoga and exercises on my mat before bed helps me re-settle myself back in my own mind. it was so much easier to jump ship and stay off, but now it's time to come back. I'm almost content to sit in my own room doing my homework because i enjoy it, it feels good to be able to stay on top of my work, and i simply need to devote lots of time because i do have so much of it. brenna said--when she was studying in here earlier--that it feels like a parisian apartment to her. i don't know about that (well, half the girls' rooms here could fit that description), but i'm very happy with it. i wanted to make it feel like a home because i've never had my own place before.
lots of anxiety about the french présentation lundi. summarizing the article will be fine; as will be talking about the poetry and thèmes once i decide which ones to cover. we're bringing in indian food for our présentation--i'm so excited--because the poetry talks about indian spices and we're trying to illustrate our points from a sensory perspective--kind of a three-dimensional presentation. très cool.
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