"I Don't Know...It's a Mystery!"
What a day. I am fed up with school and my own problems to the hilt. How come if we're such an "advanced" society there are so many existentially unhappy people, blogging in the cyber-ether like myself? Honestly, I'm just so desperately lonely and have nowhere to go.
X alienated many of my friends years ago, and I simply don't know how to build rewarding friendships where I feel supported and loved. Or maybe I do, I just don't know how to appreciate them? Not sure. There are many people around me who care about me but something is missing. A boyfriend, that's for sure.
My life is missing Y chromosome! A friend said it is a delight to hear from me, that made me feel good. What a day. I am so sick of school and am feeling depressed about it, plus all the fallout from X is simply unbearable and unacceptable. I don't know what I am supposed to do about it, and there is no one to give me advice since no one else knows either. I have a headache. I like to write. That is one of the only things I know about myself, that I like to dance, write, love and be loved, travel, talk, laugh, make others laugh...
In my dreams I meet a man who is appealing--not traditionally beautiful, but someone like Adrien Brody or even Kiefer Sutherland--just someone who radiates a male, testosterone-like energy, loves me, and treats me well. If only I knew how to let others treat me well! I so want to be loved.
I'm making these paragraphs short so people can read them more easily, but I'd rather write in one long paragraph. I don't want people to respond yet to this blog (not that it's likely that anyone is reading it) because I'm so sensitive to others' feedback and don't want idiots or weirdos to reply. It's unbelievable to me how many sick, poorly-intentioned people there are out there.
I want a good-looking man with a job and some income, an education, who's really bright, and who likes me. Intellect is not enough. Someone whose love for me is so large that X doesn't matter, nor any of the fallout. I believe it's possible, but not easy, to find someone like that. I know I'm unique and special, and I simply wish to be recognized for who I am, if I can let kind people in, which I usually can't.
I was hating my behavior over dinner. I interrupt, I insist on being right, on knowing the most, etc. I must really be tiresome and unbearable. I feel like Steve Carell's character in "The Office"--a pompous, self-centered twit. I have a mad crush on Steve Carell, by the way; ever since he hosted SNL--he's handsome, charming, funny, not afraid to make a fool of himself, and sweet. I love that combination. A handsome man who's willing to be silly and clown around really appeals, especially if he has a hard of gold underneath.
Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy are rapidly becoming one of my favorite Hollywood couples, for being so down to earth, so in love, and such honest actors. "24" has really gotten me interested in Kiefer Sutherland, possibly because his character is such a valiant "rescuer," kind of like a modern-day knight in shining armor. Why won't anyone take an interest in me like that? I am such a cynic but such a romantic at the same time. Kiefer is quite the drunkard in real life, apparently.
Who will answer the timeless question of why women are so often attracted to bad guys?
I hope "Brokeback" wins at the Oscars. It might be the most beautiful love story I've ever seen.
What's truly unbearable and disgusting are my night sweats. My sheets smell of chemicals; I am sick of doing laundry daily. I have been ruined; nothing remains of the person I once was. I don't know how to deal with that. I have a headache.
X alienated many of my friends years ago, and I simply don't know how to build rewarding friendships where I feel supported and loved. Or maybe I do, I just don't know how to appreciate them? Not sure. There are many people around me who care about me but something is missing. A boyfriend, that's for sure.
My life is missing Y chromosome! A friend said it is a delight to hear from me, that made me feel good. What a day. I am so sick of school and am feeling depressed about it, plus all the fallout from X is simply unbearable and unacceptable. I don't know what I am supposed to do about it, and there is no one to give me advice since no one else knows either. I have a headache. I like to write. That is one of the only things I know about myself, that I like to dance, write, love and be loved, travel, talk, laugh, make others laugh...
In my dreams I meet a man who is appealing--not traditionally beautiful, but someone like Adrien Brody or even Kiefer Sutherland--just someone who radiates a male, testosterone-like energy, loves me, and treats me well. If only I knew how to let others treat me well! I so want to be loved.
I'm making these paragraphs short so people can read them more easily, but I'd rather write in one long paragraph. I don't want people to respond yet to this blog (not that it's likely that anyone is reading it) because I'm so sensitive to others' feedback and don't want idiots or weirdos to reply. It's unbelievable to me how many sick, poorly-intentioned people there are out there.
I want a good-looking man with a job and some income, an education, who's really bright, and who likes me. Intellect is not enough. Someone whose love for me is so large that X doesn't matter, nor any of the fallout. I believe it's possible, but not easy, to find someone like that. I know I'm unique and special, and I simply wish to be recognized for who I am, if I can let kind people in, which I usually can't.
I was hating my behavior over dinner. I interrupt, I insist on being right, on knowing the most, etc. I must really be tiresome and unbearable. I feel like Steve Carell's character in "The Office"--a pompous, self-centered twit. I have a mad crush on Steve Carell, by the way; ever since he hosted SNL--he's handsome, charming, funny, not afraid to make a fool of himself, and sweet. I love that combination. A handsome man who's willing to be silly and clown around really appeals, especially if he has a hard of gold underneath.
Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy are rapidly becoming one of my favorite Hollywood couples, for being so down to earth, so in love, and such honest actors. "24" has really gotten me interested in Kiefer Sutherland, possibly because his character is such a valiant "rescuer," kind of like a modern-day knight in shining armor. Why won't anyone take an interest in me like that? I am such a cynic but such a romantic at the same time. Kiefer is quite the drunkard in real life, apparently.
Who will answer the timeless question of why women are so often attracted to bad guys?
I hope "Brokeback" wins at the Oscars. It might be the most beautiful love story I've ever seen.
What's truly unbearable and disgusting are my night sweats. My sheets smell of chemicals; I am sick of doing laundry daily. I have been ruined; nothing remains of the person I once was. I don't know how to deal with that. I have a headache.
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