Hole at the Bottom of My Soul
yikes. quite a day. depressing Laker game, after player ejections, questionable referee calls and a really ugly loss to the Suns.
Game #6 should be interesting; i won't be able to see it, though, since i'll be role-playing with the police academy.
my role is to be an hysterical 911 caller! should be interesting. don't know about my acting skills, though.
i ate lots of yucky food today. i think i'm starting to gain weight with all these late-night fast food runs and snacks.
i had two giant kitkat bars, chinese food for dinner, chinese food for lunch with frozen yogurt with oreos in it. no salad.
i can do better than that! maybe writing it down will help.
just one more paper to write; in french. i turn in my in-english paper tomorrow. thinking about the summer, about doctor visits, about where to apply for internships. about how to help others without blurring boundaries or depleting myself.
about standing up for myself and telling the truth even if it means others leave me or don't like it. very scary.
i see dr. w on thursday; not sure what to say. i'm tired of feeling overweight; really sick of it. tired too of craving carbs to the exclusion of absolutely everything else. wasn't a problem, weight-wise, till i turned 16 and depression kicked in, but i was never a really healthy eater.
and i'm losing bone density. my hair loss continues unabated. i find it everywhere. it even stays in my sheets after i put them through the wash. clumps of my hair are all over the carpet; i've given up looking for them.
the semester ends soon; it's been quite a year, but, again, i want a life outside school. more than anything. should i graduate next semester? i could technically swing it, but don't know if it's the right choice or not. if i could establish meaningful connections off campus, it might be worth sticking out the year.
job stuff is stressful. i don't know where to begin looking or what success i'll meet with.
i really am tired of craving food. i had fenton's ice cream almost every day this week.
people seem to be going their separate ways as the year draws to an end. i hope i can get a quieter room next year.
must remember to contest my parking ticket and put myself on a waiting list for a room this week.
Game #6 should be interesting; i won't be able to see it, though, since i'll be role-playing with the police academy.
my role is to be an hysterical 911 caller! should be interesting. don't know about my acting skills, though.
i ate lots of yucky food today. i think i'm starting to gain weight with all these late-night fast food runs and snacks.
i had two giant kitkat bars, chinese food for dinner, chinese food for lunch with frozen yogurt with oreos in it. no salad.
i can do better than that! maybe writing it down will help.
just one more paper to write; in french. i turn in my in-english paper tomorrow. thinking about the summer, about doctor visits, about where to apply for internships. about how to help others without blurring boundaries or depleting myself.
about standing up for myself and telling the truth even if it means others leave me or don't like it. very scary.
i see dr. w on thursday; not sure what to say. i'm tired of feeling overweight; really sick of it. tired too of craving carbs to the exclusion of absolutely everything else. wasn't a problem, weight-wise, till i turned 16 and depression kicked in, but i was never a really healthy eater.
and i'm losing bone density. my hair loss continues unabated. i find it everywhere. it even stays in my sheets after i put them through the wash. clumps of my hair are all over the carpet; i've given up looking for them.
the semester ends soon; it's been quite a year, but, again, i want a life outside school. more than anything. should i graduate next semester? i could technically swing it, but don't know if it's the right choice or not. if i could establish meaningful connections off campus, it might be worth sticking out the year.
job stuff is stressful. i don't know where to begin looking or what success i'll meet with.
i really am tired of craving food. i had fenton's ice cream almost every day this week.
people seem to be going their separate ways as the year draws to an end. i hope i can get a quieter room next year.
must remember to contest my parking ticket and put myself on a waiting list for a room this week.
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