Throwing Others a Lifeline as I Drown

i am so accustomed to jumping to rescue people from their feelings that i do it without even thinking.

i automatically try to solve others' problems whether they've asked me for help or not, and make them feel better.

i'm starting to understand some of the dynamics between my mom and i. super unhealthy.

she absolutely creeps me out. she's mad at my dad and i for our choice of tv show, and yells at my dad for absolutely everything, and will not stop talking about the sunset. so strange. i think maudlin is a good term.

my dad got confused coming back from the bathroom last night, and i cannot begin to tell you how cruel she was to him. i awoke to her voice abusing him and it gave me chills down my back.

i jumped out of bed and quickly guided my dad back to bed, making a joke about how we should call him christopher columbus because he was exploring, trying to make him feel ok about being confused, whereas my mom had been absolutely dreadful to him because he couldn't quite find his way back.

absolutely disgusting. absolutely disgusting, and our friends know nothing about it because she's so nice to them. it turns my stomach.

she keeps trying to draw our attention away from the tv. i can't believe i have to spend the next several hours in the same hotel room as she. unbearable--you can cut the tension with a knife, as you always can when she's around.

there is no peace and no relaxation in her presence, which in turn makes me hypervigilant about other people, as well, who i kind of use in her place when she's not around (i hate that).

my dad and i are trying to read, and she will not stop talking to us, reading facts out of her guidebook. she always does that. no regard for anyone's feelings, accusing my dad of putting his feet on her clothes. give me a break.

whenever we watch tv, she insists on correcting others' grammar and pronunciation and criticizing what they're wearing. so arrogant. so negative! i can't believe how depressing it is to be around her. she passes judgment on things she knows absolutely nothing about, and won't listen to the answers to questions she asks.

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