Unpleasant Truths: Part I

i had the strangest dream last night; that i got my cell phone mixed up with my cousin's husband's cell phone and couldn't dial anyone, that my laptop computer was programmed only to use the spanish-language keyboard so i couldn't access my email, that i designed an aviary at the school i went to and adopted some pet birds i couldn't take care of properly, that my car was driving unsafely but i couldn't figure out why and couldn't fix it, that i had PMS mood swings that i'd never had before...

stranger than fiction or real life. i just woke up and have that i'm-still-asleep-and-dreaming feeling--the "hangover without the hangover." i agreed to spend the day with my mom and cousin, and backed out at the last minute. i HATE when i do that. makes me feel like a bad person. i couldn't get out of bed, to start with, but i also have anxiety about how much stuff i have to do and didn't want to commit to spending the entire day out. i'm really anxious to get started on internship research, but the more anxious i get, the harder it is to start.

anyway, off to costco and banana republic. they have a wicked sale going on, i have some store credits to use. i also need to figure out why the computer isn't printing and i can't get the wireless internet to work, pay some more bills, schedule a psychiatrist appt., and a bunch of other un-fun "real life" stuff. yikes.

i applied for a job yesterday! i'm very proud of myself. turns out they didn't need anyone, but that's not the point. i've "broken the ice," so to speak, on my fear/resistance to getting a job. i'll try to stop by my old tutoring place to see if they need anyone over the summer, which they usually do.

now, tacos for breakfast! yummy!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

We Are Human

it's how we deal with it that matters. had a long talk over lunch with misrak about racism. she has a lot to say, and a lot to deal with. she talked about the appalling attitude of a woman she recently worked with. it's very eye-opening to hear "the other side of the story," i.e. a person of color talking about being on the receiving end of racism. it's heartbreaking and horrifying, and an education in itself. lots of work remains to be done.
Read more

The Clear Light of Day

my mom helped me put a piece of the puzzle into place today. it's all about clarity; and the more clearly i see it for what it really is, the more able i am to let go of it. we had talked about abuse and repeating behavior patterns, etc., and agreed that we were both committed to doing things differently. the abuse began to sneak in, though, and i can see that sh*t coming a mile away and knew exactly what it was when it hit. and, i didn't believe it. in retrospect, that's what it was. a kink in her operating system she wasn't dealing with. automatic danger. it's one thing if folks are prepared to deal with all of their stuff, but if they're in denial about anything, it's just going to get larger and larger until something is done. it was always going to go in just one direction. the signs were there. there really is such a thing as "too good to be true." if that's "too good to be true," then what's the real deal? where
Read more

Trimming the Fat

weeding through my entire blog--there are almost 1400 posts! quality over quantity; getting rid of stuff that seems irrelevent or misplaced or superfluous or otherwise dissatisfactory. saw a great documentary on the History Channel today about Hitler's family. turns out there are still a few living in the US! they've also had a good series on the SS, but, most importantly, tomorrow night they start the entire " Band of Brothers " series! i never tire of watching it. literally! i'm 15 pounds lighter with muscle to boot. can't believe it. cutting sugar and flour really works. started bob tonight, just love it. i'd like to get the soundtrack. dentist on friday. i'd like to get my blog to about 1000 posts. quite time consuming. turning in is the answer, not out. growth, expansion, new life. it's about time. i am so stale, and i can hardly breathe in here. the window hasn't been open for ages, and i cannot feel fresh air on my face or see the out
Read more