A La Onion

Barry Bonds Took Steroids, Reports Everyone Who Has Ever Watched Baseball

The Onion

Barry Bonds Took Steroids, Reports Everyone Who Has Ever Watched Baseball

SAN FRANCISCO—With the publication of a book detailing steroid use by San Francisco Giants superstar Barry Bonds, two San Francisco Chronicle reporters have corroborated the claims of Bonds' steroid abuse by every single person...


The Onion

Florida State University To Phase Out Academic Operations By 2010

SARASOTA, FL—Bowing to pressure from alumni, students, and a majority of teaching professors of Florida State University, athletic director...


Cardinals Apologize For Winning World Series

The Onion

Cardinals Apologize For Winning World Series

ST. LOUIS—Calling Friday night's victory on baseball's grandest stage "a terrible mistake," members of the St. Louis Cardinals issued a formal apology for making the playoffs, winning the World Series, and depriving baseball fans everywhere...

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