Airplane Memories

what is up with the atrociously bad service these days? flight attendants are so rude, and brusque.

when i was a kid, the stewardesses would let me hand out mints to the passengers on hawaii flights. we have a picture of me doing that. i was never sure if i should wake up sleeping passengers or not, to ask if they wanted a mint.

they would give us playing cards, too, and give me my own "wings" pin because my mom had been a stewardess.

the lavatories are just creepy. i will never get used to the way the toilets flush; it's so traumatizing and i'm never prepared for the loud noise and violence. and what's up with the blue water? when i look at myself in the mirror i usually look tired, with dark circles under my eyes and dehydrated skin from the dry, recycled air.

i remember being really impressed by lufthansa airlines, but i don't remember why.

tunis air was scary, but novel. the mediterranean sea looked so blue.

aloha airlines is fun because it already feels like you're in hawaii; the mood is different, the flight attendants wear flowers and stuff (yes, i know it's ridiculously orientalist and offensive to many).

when we flew pan am (or was it united?) on international flights they'd have those almost bed-like seats in first class that were comfortable for sleeping, and you got that package with toothpaste and slippers and stuff in it.

the time i went to france with my sixth grade class was unparalleled fun. we were so rowdy that on the trip home, we were seated alphabetically. i think i was next to geoff hanz, and fell asleep on my tray table, i was so tired. good times. i think we threw candy at other passengers, or poured salt on people's heads, i really can't remember. it was just so fun seeing my classmates all together on an airplane!

my mom did something really nice for me when i was a kid. you know that button on your armrest allows you to lower your seat back or bring it up? my mom convinced the captain of the plane to make an announcement over the loudspeaker that all of the passengers were needed to help the plane take off. he said we all had to push that button at the same time so the plane would take off. i totally believed him!

and there was the time we got diverted from philadelphia to somewhere else, and waited hours and hours for equipment change, or something, and some other time, when we had to circle forever because there was a storm or too many planes landing or something.

i remember sitting on the runway as plane number 40 or some ridiculously large number in a long line of planes waiting to take off.

I remember seeing the Concorde once or twice, once in Paris.

I remember arriving in England for the first time, with my mom pointing to the cars on the ground and explaining that they drive on the other side of the road. later on the same trip, when we landed in france, i remember being very concerned as to which side the cars drove on and looked anxiously down at the roads as we descended.

i remember the story of my friend allison jessie, from junior high, who also went to france. on her return trip, the passenger next to her died. i'm not kidding. it wasn't discovered until the plane landed, when she tried to wake him/her, they were unresponsive.

i remember how some flight attendants give hilarious safety demonstrations, but most don't, and how, years later, i usually still watch the safety demonstrations, although they're the same now as they've been my whole life. southwest flight attendants have the best senses of humor.

i hate bad movies on airplanes. you're really stuck, because they turn the lights off and i feel rude turning on the overhead reading light, and uncomfortable sleeping in coach class, stuffed into a little chair with almost no footroom, and in closer proximity to complete strangers than in any other area of my life.