things that make you go hmmm.....
yeah, i just forgot what i meant to put here.
oh-- watching other people grow and make mistakes and learn from them and realize stuff for themselves and letting them stay or leave as they choose, even knowing people are about to trip and fall but allowing them to do so so they can learn.
that's the name of the game for me. in al-anon, i watched as other people allowed me to do this. i knew i was making mistakes or barking up the wrong tree sometimes, and i knew that they knew.
nevertheless, i simply had to bark up those trees and go down those dark roads to learn what i needed to learn to be here. and i'm grateful they allowed me the dignity and the space to do so. they were always there when i went back for more healing and guidance and answers.
i carry that with me and i know that i must allow others the dignity to make their own mistakes, fall flat on their faces, if need be, and get up again. funny thing is, sometimes i can see where they're headed and sometimes i can't. i'm usually wrong here more often than in other places. it's a combination of trusting my instincts and comparing them with what's actually happening, and figuring out when i'm wrong why i'm wrong, what false assumptions i had made and why, what my own agenda was, where my own pathologies were interfering, etc. when i'm wrong, i'm really wrong.
for some reason, spirituality gets me in touch with other people, probably because it brings me closer to myself. i don't like the word spirituality because it sounds vague and new-agey; something divorced older people pretend to practice or understand when they can't figure out how else to close their wounds. for me, it must be combined with hands-on, learning-how-to-live tools to work.
religion and spirituality can be so damaging when used incorrectly. anyone who claims to have the final word on what god says has an agenda of some kind, usually not a good one. in my world, no one speaks for god. to me, the bible is not a factual record; it's more like folklore that may well be strongly rooted in stuff that actually happened, but more than that, it's a piece of literature and as such is open to interpretation. i take from it what i will, others do accordingly. that's my experience.
some see hatred and bigotry and closed-mindedness and intolerance there, others don't (even though they're looking at exactly the same document), but rather are illuminated by it to new heights. look at how many different interpretations of the koran they are: from one extreme, saudi arabia, to another, openly gay muslim lesbians in America and other countries; all calling themselves muslim.
and don't even get me started on the anti-gay crap. i only know two catholic priests, and they both happen to be gay. the man who saved my life was a gay catholic, a devout one who believed in every single thing that was pure and life-giving. when he read from the bible, it sounded as if he had written it. it was so fundamental to him; there was no space between he and a higher power and his understanding of it.
we don't decide this shit for ourselves. homosexuality is the same as heterosexuality for me; it comes from the same place and is just as fundamental. things that are not choices cannot be good or bad or right or wrong; if the bible says homosexuality is wrong (but how could it, since there are so many gay christians and catholics who love their religion? it's all about interpretation), then the bible is wrong. that's a strong statement, coming from someone who's never read the bible, but that's my experience.
if the christian right is going to be so hate-filled by reading the bible, maybe they should look elsewhere for nourishment. and don't give me this anti-abortion crap, either. you talk to a pregnant 14-year-old and then get back to me about abortion and parental notification. i try to base my views on my life experience, not on ideology or what someone else tells me to believe, based upon a document written centuries ago in many different languages and updated and appended and changed and edited by literally countless individuals since then, each with his or her own agenda.
i read a story about an iranian muslim woman who spoke with a western reporter about why she wears the full hijab, thinks women should not drive, and all the other negative stuff about islam we hear. she quoted the koran to back up her views. she was then handed a koran and asked to find the parts she had mentioned, but she couldn't because she had never read it.
there is nothing any more wrong with islam than there is with any other religion. at certain times in history, people hijack various belief systems and use them to legitimate their authority. right now, it just happens to be islam. several times, it's been christianity (like the crusades and the "conquest" of the americas). the catholic church has a lot of blood on its hands, in my opinion. most catholics in the developing world can barely feed their own families, while the pope wears prada and cathedrals are gilded with gold. i think at this point in history, many muslims are feeling particularly vulnerable and powerless, and a small minority are using violence to cope.
you see what a problem i have with views other than my own? it's like i have to defend them as if my life depended upon it. it does, though, because my reality was so strongly obliterated and negated and seen as hostile and threatening as a kid that i had to become this emphatic in order to hold on to it. in fact, i often felt i had to go on the offense to protect myself.
i also have excessive problems with hypocrisy. that's fine, but i feel like there's something extra behind my problem with it that is worth examining; an extra energy coming from somewhere.
oh-- watching other people grow and make mistakes and learn from them and realize stuff for themselves and letting them stay or leave as they choose, even knowing people are about to trip and fall but allowing them to do so so they can learn.
that's the name of the game for me. in al-anon, i watched as other people allowed me to do this. i knew i was making mistakes or barking up the wrong tree sometimes, and i knew that they knew.
nevertheless, i simply had to bark up those trees and go down those dark roads to learn what i needed to learn to be here. and i'm grateful they allowed me the dignity and the space to do so. they were always there when i went back for more healing and guidance and answers.
i carry that with me and i know that i must allow others the dignity to make their own mistakes, fall flat on their faces, if need be, and get up again. funny thing is, sometimes i can see where they're headed and sometimes i can't. i'm usually wrong here more often than in other places. it's a combination of trusting my instincts and comparing them with what's actually happening, and figuring out when i'm wrong why i'm wrong, what false assumptions i had made and why, what my own agenda was, where my own pathologies were interfering, etc. when i'm wrong, i'm really wrong.
for some reason, spirituality gets me in touch with other people, probably because it brings me closer to myself. i don't like the word spirituality because it sounds vague and new-agey; something divorced older people pretend to practice or understand when they can't figure out how else to close their wounds. for me, it must be combined with hands-on, learning-how-to-live tools to work.
religion and spirituality can be so damaging when used incorrectly. anyone who claims to have the final word on what god says has an agenda of some kind, usually not a good one. in my world, no one speaks for god. to me, the bible is not a factual record; it's more like folklore that may well be strongly rooted in stuff that actually happened, but more than that, it's a piece of literature and as such is open to interpretation. i take from it what i will, others do accordingly. that's my experience.
some see hatred and bigotry and closed-mindedness and intolerance there, others don't (even though they're looking at exactly the same document), but rather are illuminated by it to new heights. look at how many different interpretations of the koran they are: from one extreme, saudi arabia, to another, openly gay muslim lesbians in America and other countries; all calling themselves muslim.
and don't even get me started on the anti-gay crap. i only know two catholic priests, and they both happen to be gay. the man who saved my life was a gay catholic, a devout one who believed in every single thing that was pure and life-giving. when he read from the bible, it sounded as if he had written it. it was so fundamental to him; there was no space between he and a higher power and his understanding of it.
we don't decide this shit for ourselves. homosexuality is the same as heterosexuality for me; it comes from the same place and is just as fundamental. things that are not choices cannot be good or bad or right or wrong; if the bible says homosexuality is wrong (but how could it, since there are so many gay christians and catholics who love their religion? it's all about interpretation), then the bible is wrong. that's a strong statement, coming from someone who's never read the bible, but that's my experience.
if the christian right is going to be so hate-filled by reading the bible, maybe they should look elsewhere for nourishment. and don't give me this anti-abortion crap, either. you talk to a pregnant 14-year-old and then get back to me about abortion and parental notification. i try to base my views on my life experience, not on ideology or what someone else tells me to believe, based upon a document written centuries ago in many different languages and updated and appended and changed and edited by literally countless individuals since then, each with his or her own agenda.
i read a story about an iranian muslim woman who spoke with a western reporter about why she wears the full hijab, thinks women should not drive, and all the other negative stuff about islam we hear. she quoted the koran to back up her views. she was then handed a koran and asked to find the parts she had mentioned, but she couldn't because she had never read it.
there is nothing any more wrong with islam than there is with any other religion. at certain times in history, people hijack various belief systems and use them to legitimate their authority. right now, it just happens to be islam. several times, it's been christianity (like the crusades and the "conquest" of the americas). the catholic church has a lot of blood on its hands, in my opinion. most catholics in the developing world can barely feed their own families, while the pope wears prada and cathedrals are gilded with gold. i think at this point in history, many muslims are feeling particularly vulnerable and powerless, and a small minority are using violence to cope.
you see what a problem i have with views other than my own? it's like i have to defend them as if my life depended upon it. it does, though, because my reality was so strongly obliterated and negated and seen as hostile and threatening as a kid that i had to become this emphatic in order to hold on to it. in fact, i often felt i had to go on the offense to protect myself.
i also have excessive problems with hypocrisy. that's fine, but i feel like there's something extra behind my problem with it that is worth examining; an extra energy coming from somewhere.
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