[W]holeness

I wish I could write "wholeness," instead of "holeness," but I'm not quite there.

a big gaping hole inside that feels like a black hole with infinite gravity. at least i think that's what a black hole is.

anyway, i develop "crushes" from time to time where i spend probably too much time thinking about the person; i think it's an attempt to fill this hole. i don't want to do this, however, yet i'm often confounded by what to do about it. i don't want to obsess; i don't want to make anyone else uncomfortable, and i want successful, rewarding relationships with people i like and respect.

things really came to a head, tension-wise, at founders last night with hfg and i'm not sure what to do next. i feel like i should talk to him so he knows we're not hostile. i guess this "break-down" of sorts was inevitable; tension had been building up for weeks and it was really ridiculous. so either one side or another was going to make a move; both kind of did, last night.

poor guy. i'm not sure what to do next, but i know for sure that i don't want to obsess anymore. it's not really obsession, but it's taking the place of what i would prefer to be normal, face-to-face social interaction. It's like we need to do some repair work in the PR department. I hope Febreeze doesn't have the wrong idea (not his real name).

Back to work.

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