The Thinker


yeah, right. me at 5 months.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Trimming the Fat

weeding through my entire blog--there are almost 1400 posts! quality over quantity; getting rid of stuff that seems irrelevent or misplaced or superfluous or otherwise dissatisfactory. saw a great documentary on the History Channel today about Hitler's family. turns out there are still a few living in the US! they've also had a good series on the SS, but, most importantly, tomorrow night they start the entire " Band of Brothers " series! i never tire of watching it. literally! i'm 15 pounds lighter with muscle to boot. can't believe it. cutting sugar and flour really works. started bob tonight, just love it. i'd like to get the soundtrack. dentist on friday. i'd like to get my blog to about 1000 posts. quite time consuming. turning in is the answer, not out. growth, expansion, new life. it's about time. i am so stale, and i can hardly breathe in here. the window hasn't been open for ages, and i cannot feel fresh air on my face or see the out...
Read more

"People Talking Without Speaking"

"... and the words of the prophets are written on the subway wall." That song has been in my head all day, Paul Simon's "Sound of Silence." It narrated my summer at Harvard where I learned how to believe in myself and not bow to peer pressure, that it is ok to be smart, and it's ok to be attractive and smart, that there are small corners of the world where it's ok to be both, where men expect attractive women to be intelligent and appreciate them for it, and are not intimidated (and who also don't mind run-on sentences). There are people like me out there. I do have a place in the world, and I do belong. People do and will value me for who I am, and I have to let them. It's OK to believe in myself again because I'm starting to become myself again. My confidence is returning. I am returning. I have a mental illness, and I am not ashamed. I take six different medications everyday, and it's not because I'm weak. I swallow 12 pi...
Read more

The Clear Light of Day

my mom helped me put a piece of the puzzle into place today. it's all about clarity; and the more clearly i see it for what it really is, the more able i am to let go of it. we had talked about abuse and repeating behavior patterns, etc., and agreed that we were both committed to doing things differently. the abuse began to sneak in, though, and i can see that sh*t coming a mile away and knew exactly what it was when it hit. and, i didn't believe it. in retrospect, that's what it was. a kink in her operating system she wasn't dealing with. automatic danger. it's one thing if folks are prepared to deal with all of their stuff, but if they're in denial about anything, it's just going to get larger and larger until something is done. it was always going to go in just one direction. the signs were there. there really is such a thing as "too good to be true." if that's "too good to be true," then what's the real deal? where...
Read more