i feel un-innocent

complicit in my own sadness.

i wish to embed myself inside someone else and take shelter there for awhile, to allow myself to be taken care of, to hibernate and to drift and to dream until i am well.

to feel loved and to be loved with no caveats, for once.

i am ever and always incomplete.

unrequited love is one thing, but never having loved is quite another.

i feel like i disappoint people a lot, like i build up expectations in them that i cannot maintain; a false self, as if my current one weren't good enough.

i am already drunk; my heart won't stop pounding. i am alice in wonderland; i recognize nothing, everything is new.

i believe in making mistakes and learning from them, and I believe that we have to allow others do the same.

it is so precious to me to live in the community of women I do and I'm so sad that it will end in May. we will probably have a similar living arrangement next semester, though it all seems so temporary and fragmented.

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