No One Knows the Troubles I Know
unrescuable. cast to the wolves once again, without explanation. what does God want from me? i look depressed and overweight in the x'mas pictures; still can't accept what the illness and medication side effects have done to my appearance.
dinner was awful tonight. i needed protein because my blood sugar is low and there wasn't any. there is nowhere to put my sadness. the stupid counseling center is ignorant enough to limit people to just 10 sessions. the heighth of stupidity and incompetency; they can't recognize when someone needs help and meet that need. life lets me down once again.
my darkest hour sneaks up on me every now and then, and there isn't enough love to heal it. i can't relate to my family at all, in some ways, and am completely alone with my situation that no one knows anything about. what is the cure for this loneliness? i can't talk to normal people or my family; i can't get counseling right now. what is the solution?
i'm not suicidal, so anyone reading this post should not worry. i feel like the world's expert at evading suicide at this point.
my schoolwork means nothing to me, yet i must do it. i would drop out if that were an option.
amina's invited me to cairo and i really want to go but can't afford the airfare and need to get some kind of internship this summer. my credit cards are virtually maxed out and 800 dollars per month doesn't go very far. i can't pay my medical bills this month. my parents can't help.
why this barrier between me and meaning that i've been trying to scale for years, to no avail? what could i possibly have done in a previous life to deserve this?
i don't know what it would take to wake me from this self-induced coma. storm outside hasn't subsided enough for me to come out of the cellar.
self-will has many limitations. i wonder if i'll be able to "get away" with anything else, or for how much longer.
such deep depression today. like a chasm of pain opened in my soul; a bottomless crevasse with limitless hopelessness.
love resurrects.
dinner was awful tonight. i needed protein because my blood sugar is low and there wasn't any. there is nowhere to put my sadness. the stupid counseling center is ignorant enough to limit people to just 10 sessions. the heighth of stupidity and incompetency; they can't recognize when someone needs help and meet that need. life lets me down once again.
my darkest hour sneaks up on me every now and then, and there isn't enough love to heal it. i can't relate to my family at all, in some ways, and am completely alone with my situation that no one knows anything about. what is the cure for this loneliness? i can't talk to normal people or my family; i can't get counseling right now. what is the solution?
i'm not suicidal, so anyone reading this post should not worry. i feel like the world's expert at evading suicide at this point.
my schoolwork means nothing to me, yet i must do it. i would drop out if that were an option.
amina's invited me to cairo and i really want to go but can't afford the airfare and need to get some kind of internship this summer. my credit cards are virtually maxed out and 800 dollars per month doesn't go very far. i can't pay my medical bills this month. my parents can't help.
why this barrier between me and meaning that i've been trying to scale for years, to no avail? what could i possibly have done in a previous life to deserve this?
i don't know what it would take to wake me from this self-induced coma. storm outside hasn't subsided enough for me to come out of the cellar.
self-will has many limitations. i wonder if i'll be able to "get away" with anything else, or for how much longer.
such deep depression today. like a chasm of pain opened in my soul; a bottomless crevasse with limitless hopelessness.
love resurrects.
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