Waiting for a Future That Never Comes

I just found out that my best friend from childhood is pregnant. Now all the girls I grew up with are moms, and I've never been in a serious relationship, thanks to having bipolar. And, I may never be able to have kids, even if I find the right guy, because of my meds, and/or my age when I would be ready to.

Things have been strained ever since bipolar. One of uncountable other losses to the illness that I nor anyone else deserves.

Why does this all have to be so difficult. I am such a pariah. How will I ever meet anyone at this rate? I cannot be honest, and I cannot lie. What am I supposed to do? I did not create this problem for myself, yet I am the only one who can solve it.

I cannot deal with other people's happiness. It's just one blow after another. I cannot relate to people who are having kids. It's one bitter pill after another, no pun intended. I did not ask for this. Loss of life, loss of love.

I am so bitter and so angry. To no end; it does not end.

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