"Embedded" Customer at Gaylord's
feel tremendously self-conscious and on display. not comfortable drawing attention to myself, yet i crave it.
feel insecure around normal people. might like some food but unsure what.
to be continued
everyone here takes themselves so seriously. kind of a "scene," which really isn't my scene. one dark haired, unattractive guy was circling like a shark, but he is gone. there is a semi-attractive dark-complected (is that really a word?) guy at twelve o'clock, playing video games. nevermind.
i am afraid of intimidating and distancing others if i am myself.
possible Mills students at seven o'clock; maybe they're friends of eden's.
utterly unable/unwilling to read. unsure why. impenetrable mind.
talk of going to cemetery; utterly uninterested. interacting in certain ways on campus don't feel right off campus.
certain things ok on campus (when no one's looking) not ok in public. does this make me a bad person? i don't wish to be "weak," "spineless," or any of those other unattractive qualities. i'm too much of a chameleon sometimes.
what does it mean to be embarrassed by other people? does it make me insecure, selfish, "small"?
not participating in the conversation. what would ### do in this situation? be honest about the way one feels at the risk of alienating others? think of oneself as secure enough that one's friends can't make one look bad?
i don't always attract people i like. what does that mean? i put on an "outer shell" that repels some people. i wish it didn't; i feel like it's a protective mechanism; i'm used to being an ice queen of sorts; don't know how to be "Comrade Diana."
No interest in the theory we're studying right now. it's interesting, but not that interesting. can poke holes in it, doesn't quite speak to me. don't know what to major in; won't find out in time to do it.
fenton's: to go or not to go?
not digging loud people. don't believe in being loud in public.
must get out more. in the future i will look back and wish i had. i can't believe i'm 29. outrageous.
i like gossip too much.
would rather stare off into space than study. feeling disconnected from friends. would like to live off campus next year; who knows where or how? this summer...?
feel insecure around normal people. might like some food but unsure what.
to be continued
everyone here takes themselves so seriously. kind of a "scene," which really isn't my scene. one dark haired, unattractive guy was circling like a shark, but he is gone. there is a semi-attractive dark-complected (is that really a word?) guy at twelve o'clock, playing video games. nevermind.
i am afraid of intimidating and distancing others if i am myself.
possible Mills students at seven o'clock; maybe they're friends of eden's.
utterly unable/unwilling to read. unsure why. impenetrable mind.
talk of going to cemetery; utterly uninterested. interacting in certain ways on campus don't feel right off campus.
certain things ok on campus (when no one's looking) not ok in public. does this make me a bad person? i don't wish to be "weak," "spineless," or any of those other unattractive qualities. i'm too much of a chameleon sometimes.
what does it mean to be embarrassed by other people? does it make me insecure, selfish, "small"?
not participating in the conversation. what would ### do in this situation? be honest about the way one feels at the risk of alienating others? think of oneself as secure enough that one's friends can't make one look bad?
i don't always attract people i like. what does that mean? i put on an "outer shell" that repels some people. i wish it didn't; i feel like it's a protective mechanism; i'm used to being an ice queen of sorts; don't know how to be "Comrade Diana."
No interest in the theory we're studying right now. it's interesting, but not that interesting. can poke holes in it, doesn't quite speak to me. don't know what to major in; won't find out in time to do it.
fenton's: to go or not to go?
not digging loud people. don't believe in being loud in public.
must get out more. in the future i will look back and wish i had. i can't believe i'm 29. outrageous.
i like gossip too much.
would rather stare off into space than study. feeling disconnected from friends. would like to live off campus next year; who knows where or how? this summer...?
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