Walls Have Ears

Nothing is more valuable than believing in myself.

Why do I seek to hurt those who hurt me?

Revenge? Self-defense? Recovering dignity? Evening the score?

Tearing others to pieces makes me feel good but also bad. Good because I have "ended the threat," bad because I may feel badly, I may have hurt the person, I may look bad in the eyes of others; they may exact revenge at some point in the future, I may lose opportunities...

I have quite a history of feeling threatened by others, and am quite sensitive to it. I also go on the offensive without thinking. Not sure what to do here. Is there a need to "get back" at anyone? What would that accomplish? What if I am wrong about them? I don't like paranoia.

I think the lesson is that I need to find a new peer group. Should I take comfort in others' mediocrity? No, because as punishment I may lose my assets. I want to like myself, I want to be the way those I admire are like.

I need to believe in myself more, and believe the others who believe in me.

One point is that this really isn't about me. I also need to look at the fact that I have, in the past, spoken about others without their knowing, and said things I wouldn't feel comfortable saying to their faces. What is that about? Is that who I want to be? Who do I trust? How do I know?

Some people are not trustworthy, and I do not wish to be one or have one as a friend.

It's time to start questioning myself about these things.

it would cheapen me to think less of others.

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