thoughts

Ziyi Zhang is the new Gong Li; she's stunning, and getting many of the choiciest parts.

the ads for eharmony.com are dreadful

What on EARTH is the purpose of the UN if it cannot stop the slaughter in Sudan RIGHT NOW?

I like Howard Dean.

Steve Carell is so cute and funny! I should pay more attention to funny men; although charisma is important. Someone who knows how to be serious, too, with a heart of gold.

it must be a coincidence that "vd" stands for both valentine's day and venereal disease

i cannot believe how little hair i have left. it's never been this bad before. i am afraid to make any further med changes.

why can't i find someone like mr. darcy, the way elizabeth bennett does in pride and prejudice? or that kind of love, at least. i don't feel pretty anymore. wonder if anyone will find me so; or will i ever allow someone to make me feel that way? i receive compliments, but don't feel them. what is wrong with me? why can't i be as well-adjusted and self-confident and at ease with myself as others seem with themselves?

i can be terrible at relationships, at whatever it is that is supposed to precede them, yet I crave intimacy.

i'm watching the miniseries pride and prejudice and identify so much with mr. darcy's grouchiness. he looks much the way i feel more often than i care to admit.

funny how i adopt (in my head) whatever manner of speaking i'm around...? like this jane austen movie...i'm sad that we don't speak so well today. such manners; i should learn from them because i don't like my manners and fear i could never hold the attention of someone like mr. darcy even though i might on the inside be suitable. but then i feel that i'm the ideal woman for someone complex and intelligent and romantic like him, at times.

imagine that i had my mind...that i didn't need medication...that i felt normal again and wasn't bound to take meds three times a day that alter me. how effortless life would be. i wish i could go horseback riding without keeping track of the time like mr. darcy does. i wish i had my brain back so i could live as i used to.

to have my mind back...life isn't worth much without it. i can't believe how effortless life seems to people who don't have what i have. i wish i didn't have to worry about bedtime, that i could stay out like everyone else, that i could smile the way i used to. life lost. life preservers could never reach me; rescuers could never find me, it's always been entirely up to me and i'm tired of lagging that burden around constantly.

Comments

Anonymous said…
good observation on vd

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