Long Time Gone

Stephen Colbert discusses politics and the media on Colin Quinn's show. Stephen gets a humorous taste of his own medicine from "Kite Runner" author Khaled Hosseini.

Kim Jong-Il Interprets Sunrise As Act Of War PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA—Kim also warned against other "extreme transgressions" including inspections of North Korean cargo, shorter hemlines, and the release of yet another new sports drink.

My Halloween-candy-fueled, one-person-orgy of studying for the US/Latin America Relations midterm has begun! The madness will be over tomorrow, until I get back from class, anyway. The end is in sight. Actually, I studied for a bit and then waxed my legs. I lead such a glamorous life! The midterm went very well; I feel confident about it. I got an "A" on my second Letters paper; Ms. Mehta said it was "poetic." It really sounds like I'm bragging, here, doesn't it? I don't really care. I'm pleased with the hard work I've put in and the good results I've been getting.

I feel strongly that YouTube's sudden concern for copyright infringement is because of its recent acquisition by Google, who most certainly does care about things like that. I'm bemoaning the loss of "Colbert Report" video clips on YouTube. What's a [freedom-loving] girl to do?

My love, respect, and admiration for him grow. He deals with his illness with such dignity and grace that it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. I'd really like to meet him. He has the courage to go on television, do interviews and make pro-stem cell ads when his illness is at such a stage that he can barely control his movement. That he is willing to humble himself to let us see his weakness is beautiful, and requires more strength than most people know. And I just love him for it. He is an inspiration to me, as was Christopher Reeve. Having bipolar is humbling (humiliating is a better word) too, because you are constantly forced to let others see you in a compromised state. I felt that way all day today. It's like I wish I could wear a sign around my neck that says "I didn't always used to be like this," i.e., I used to be healthy and alert and "together" once, just like the rest of you. I feel such shame, and it isn't even my fault, and...

Comedy Central's lacking-a-sense-of-humor department (legal department) has removed "Colbert Report" videos from YouTube. NOT COOL. All the hours of blood, toil, tears and sweat I put into adding video clips and links of Stephen on this blog are for naught! So not cool.

Stephen Colbert is singing a love song on his show! Wow! A duet with Barry Manilow! Such charisma, it kills me. Where do they make men like that, and how can I get one? Yes, it's the somewhat cheezy "I Write the Songs," from the 1970s, but it just gets me when Colbert sings it, and he has a beautiful voice. Quite talented, that one, and nice, too. I really need to stop worrying about people who don't like me and pay attention to the ones that do. Yeah. Sounds good. Good times. If I don't like my reflection, shouldn't I look into a different mirror?

Bad-*ss Holocaust Survivor, Nobel Prize Laureate, author, and internationally acclaimed peace activitist Elie Wiesel has focused his gaze on the human rights violations we've long suspected have been happening under the lethal watch of Kim Jong Il, and is trying to bring awareness to it at a global level: Washington (Reuters): North Korea has committed "crimes against humanity" against its own people according to an independent report published on Monday that made a long-shot appeal for the U.N. Security Council to deal with the issue. Released after North Korea's October 9 nuclear test, the report describes Pyongyang's brutal treatment of its citizens, from the beatings of pregnant women to force miscarriages to the abduction, torture and execution of political prisoners. Commissioned by Holocaust survivor Elie Wiesel, former Czech president Vaclav Havel and former Norwegian Prime Minister Kjell Magne Bondevik, the paper seeks to spotlight rights abuses that have...

I cannot believe how common the practice of drugging women's drinks in order to assault them is. It is epidemic, and happened to a friend this weekend. Fortunately, she was with a group and nothing happened, but it's just amazing how easy it is to become a victim. And what is wrong with the men who do this? It's such a sociopathic thing to do. Why is it so widespread, and why is it accepted? It's unconscionable.

Jeez. The election is still quite a few days away, and there are so many political ads on TV that I'm surprised there's any room for actual programming. I really should stop voting; I don't want to encourage them. Sometimes life hurts so much I want to put my head under the covers and not come out. Lots of uncertainty ahead, with difficult decisions, which I find stressful and scary. I'm going to be so excited about graduating that it's probably going to scare a few people (not in the bad way, of course). Honestly; I'm going to be so elated on May 12 and at the ceremony that I don't know what to think. Only a handful know how hard it's been, though. I think I'll get tons of graduation announcements, at least, since I can't invite everyone, and include a little handwritten note on each. It's funny; Dr. W talks about how much more satisfying life is when helping others. I'm just starting to realize how much I focus on myself, and ...

I'd take the Lewinsky scandal and a balanced budget over the Iraq war any day.

Hugh Laurie is hosting SNL, and so far, he's doing a great job. Intelligent, well-spoken, and self-deprecating, which puts him three marks above the other hosts. First sketch about bodily functions is dreadful. When will my boy Stephen Colbert be hosting? He'd outshine them all, at this rate; the current cast is talented, but they haven't "gelled" yet and I don't like the new writing.

Better to be making these mistakes now than later. Going through some tough life experiences that are teaching me about things I never learned earlier. I look at the pictures of me as a kid on this blog, and rather than blaming myself for things I didn't learn sooner, I feel sympathetic. I'm not a bad person; I just need to learn them now. Other people are much more forgiving of me than I am. With gratitude to those who keep their boundaries gently in place. I slept a sound 12 hours last night in my own bed and feel much better. If there's any madness going on at school tonight, I'll drive back for it, otherwise may as well stay here and get some work done. Off to see if my dad wants to go to a movie. Got my tires aligned, car drives much better w/new tires and alignment. I love fixing up my car, and I love my car! I'm so glad to have access to Cowell all year; I really need it and it's already helping. Much more work ahead, we're just diving int...

yes, i'm in a bad enough mood to be asking that question. would i be married by now? where would i be living? what would my credentials be? where would i have traveled and how many languages would i know? how many friends and how many acquaintances would i have? it just seems like such a waste, because it is. and i'll never know. no one will. what kinds of opportunities have i been denied? so much going for me and so much against. who would i be today? i am not a happy camper right now. i don't feel like a part of society. tired of struggling. my hair is still falling out. tired of this. i'll feel better tomorrow. the acid test is whether someone is happy--sure, you might be wealthy, thin, etc., but are you happy? i just want to be happy. from the inside out, not the other way around, because surrounding yourself with nice things if you're not happy does not help. i want to be indelibly happy, from the very center of my heart. i don't want m...

My dad was surveying in Ohio for the US Geological Survey (my dad helped map this country! in the 1950s, he had just graduated from college and that was one of the only jobs available) a long time ago, and he picked up a hitchhiker, who was a Spanish-American War veteran! He wanted a ride to the next town to the south so he could pick up his pension check from the VA facility. I guess things were safer back then, and my dad said "I was bigger than they were, anyway," referring to the handful of people he picked up during his years in the West. You could rent a cottage for one dollar a night in Ohio when my dad worked there. My parents have tons of slides from years they spent flying around North America in my dad's plane and I'm going to insist they show all of them to me during the semester break because I want to record all of their stories while they're still here. Project! I'll record my dad's life stories over the break! My dad said that some town...

Watching baseball with my dad, pizza in the oven. One of the only circumstances under which I'll watch baseball is with my dad, during the World Series (or if the Phillies are playing, his hometown team). Got new tires, was so tired driving home i forgot to notice if they felt different; they're quite fancy and a good price, too. MUCH more tread than the old ones. I should probably start paying attention to things like that (Chara saved us when a piece of my wheel well broke off on I-5 as we drove north--if she hadn't been there, I'd probably have had to call AAA and wait there in the dark, on the side of the scary highway in the middle of nowhere for hours or some nonsense. She actually walked over to the driver's side of the car--the one right by the 80mph vehicles--figured out what was wrong, and fixed it. Such a bad-*ss!). It's actually good to watch baseball; I enjoy it. When my friend Seth and I were traveling in Montana, we went to a minor league ...

Back in the clean, quiet environment of my home, complete with parents happy to see me and our kind building contractor, Rich, who's almost become a member of the family because he spends so much time here (he has a cute dog who runs around, named "Honey"). Costco wanted 5 hours to put my tires on; that's silly. My favorite service station suggested I go to Costco, and then they'll do the alignment. I love car service stations that are trustworthy. The guy there shows me what's wrong with my car when he makes a suggestion for a service to be done. I'm just rambling here. It's good to be home; I have a French paper and Latin American midterm next week. Brian called from the East Bay, it's too bad because he thought I was in Oakland. We're getting my dad a cat! I'm so excited! He's so excited! I love to see him happy. My mom compromised and settled on December, when I'm home. We'll get an adult kitty from the vet or a s...

Hmmm...vote for a decent, Republican incumbent, or take a risk on a Democratic candidate I know nothing about? I cannot stand politicians who use smear campaigns because it makes them look bad. How can they not see that?

Al Franken wrote a book with a title similar to that, I believe. I cannot stand that Limbaugh is making fun of the fact that Michael J. Fox has Parkinson's, and even has the nerve to accuse him of faking the illness. Fox is one of my personal heroes because of the dignity and grace with which he deals with his dreadful condition. My heart goes out to him and his family ("he" and his family?).

"She begged God to come to her rescue, but He left her to face the Devil all alone. His voice echoed in her ears in the dark, in a whisper which lasted as long as the longest night...nothing could save her from the Devil except sleep." --Nawal el Saadawi, "The Innocence of the Devil"

Marines Are From Mars, Iraqis Are From Venus 30 May 2004 | Major Ben Connable First Marine Division G-2 Introduction: Marines find themselves regularly frustrated by the behavior and reactions of the Iraqi people. There are very fundamental cultural differences between Americans and Arabs, but for a variety of reasons these differences are exaggerated between the Marine tribe and the Iraqi tribe. Our fundamental differences lead to fundamental misunderstandings. As we enter a period of ambiguity leading up to the transition, it may be helpful to look at how we deal with our Iraqi counterparts from a fresh perspective. American Marines and Iraqis are hardwired at far ends of a cultural void not by genetics, but by social conditioning. These descriptions are necessarily simplified, skewed and hyperbolic toward the ideal to make a point. No two people are the same, not everyone lives up (or down) to the ideal. [the rest of the essay is here]

Sudanese diplomacy. Afghan parliament.

from "Love Actually." our beginning and our end.

Some people want to build a wall between the US and Mexico to keep out immigrants, Stephen Colbert wants to build a wall between the US and Canada to keep out Canadian pharmaceuticals, and Saudi Arabia wants a wall between it and Iraq to keep out the chaos.

Your Birthday Today: Although you still believe it to be a good deed, you will nonetheless grow increasingly jealous of the Habitat For Humanity home you're helping to build. Aries: A collection of self-penned portmanteaus, the construction of which you've always thought rather clever, will offend hundreds of biracial individuals this Thursday. Taurus: While all may be fair in love and war, many will come out against your egregious use of nerve gas in both. Gemini: No matter how much time passes, you'll never be able to bring yourself to forgive those who have called you unforgiving. Cancer: You never thought you had it in you, nor that you'd have the courage to follow through even if you did, but you'll totally surprise yourself with next Thursday's abortion. Virgo: A sinking sense of your own mortality will set in this week after you completely fail to recognize a Simpsons rerun on television. Libra: The alignment of the stars and the planets can only mean one...

Daylight Saving Time Yields Massive Daylight Surplus

A pretty humdrum day, overall, but those are the best kind. Rolled out of bed, consulted the oracle, had a huge salad with rice, tofu, and beans at lunch; cleaned my room thoroughly, printed out a news article review for class, went to class, which is long, but I always enjoy it, somehow. It's a congenial group of people; probably the easiest class to goof off in, which is most important. Then off to Founders for an even larger salad and a long walk home with Lorian. I'm on a campaign to get my dad a cat, and everyone here is on my side. My mom doesn't stand a chance with her one-woman opposition campaign! I'm simply going to go home with feline in tow or else my dad and I will just go get one from the vet or a shelter or something. Hee hee. I can't wait. Life is not the same without a cuddly purr machine. I'm so glad to have those two papers done--I feel like I've turned a corner and can finally relax. I've been too stressed out. I do have a ...

Cast so far away, I can't believe how far I have to travel to come back. Took less seroquel last night because I was up till 4am, and feel better. I know I can't get away with much less than my current dose, though. Sadness. So, so far away from the rest of the world and all those I knew growing up. Reacquaintance. I find that tears wash away pain, leaving a wholer, mended surface in their wake.

I take pride in the work I do today. I'm finishing up these two assignments that I've been so stressed out over, and I've actually been able to put bits of myself into them and I feel pride in preparing them to be printed out. With the illness, it was impossible to take pride in my work for so many reasons, but it's late and I should actually finish and print out those assignments. Maybe I'll put excerpts up here; not because anyone else may find them interesting, but because I do, and that's what this blog is all about. My very own bulletin board, in a sense! A collage of my life. A text, as Ms. Mehta would say. My very own language--a third language, in postcolonial terms, not just a third space. Wouldn't I love to get a Master's Degree in postcolonial stuff! Yes. Move to Paris and do that. Note to self.

Actually, a list of my non-non sequiturs would probably be shorter. On a dental scale, my Letters paper is about one cavity. My Lawson paper is three cavities on the same visit (with pain medication). On an ordnance scale, however, each paper is a ticking time bomb, because I'm afraid I'll have to stay up really late to finish them, and not start to panic about staying up late until it's already late. I'm just hoping I won't have to stay up late, but I won't know for awhile if I will...The Letters paper is like a hand grenade that I'm watching to see when it will go off. The Lawson paper is more like an unexploded shell sitting right next to me.

I'm running out of ideas for relevant post titles, so I've borrowed this line from tonight's SNL sketch about colonial Williamsburg, where host John C. Reilly plays a colonial-era man who takes being "historically accurate" too far. I had a bit of a meltdown earlier, and Brenna and Lorian were there. It's OK to let my guard down and let others see who I really am. It's OK to be vulnerable. I'm going through some bipolar post-trauma, and have a lot to say and a lot to (c)ry about. I was surprised at w(h)at I had to s(a)y to my f(r)iends tonight, (a)nd I feel l(i)ke a barrier has been re(m)oved between me and the rest of the world. Honesty really does set us free, and wh(i)le that'(s) a cliché, it wa(s) true tonight. It's OK to be "one of the crowd." There's a concept in biolog(y) (o)r chemistry where once you have eno(u)gh pressure built up on one side of a barrier, the ions or cells will flow through the barrier to the othe...

It would do more harm than good for parents to be notified of a teen's plan to have an abortion.

I did some barre exercises in my room just now. I wonder if I'd have room in my schedule next semester for ballet. I miss it terribly. It felt good to get my blood flowing and heart rate up. But it's so hard to get back into shape, especially at my age (I'm young in the real world, middle-aged in the dance world). Best to stay out of other people's brains. Living in Oakland has taught me that screeching tires and human screaming can sound remarkably similar. Work, work, and more work tomorrow. My Egypt paper is going, but going slowly. There's so much material to wade through and I won't really have a thesis until I've digested most of it. Very time consuming. I won't have much time to work on my Letters paper, although it won't need nearly as much time as the Lawson paper does. Our French paper was pushed back by a week, thankfully. We're in the home stretch, as my mom would say. I cannot believe how quickly the semester has gone. ...

I want to be your partner, can't you see? The music is just starting, Night is calling, And I am falling... Dance with me! This song has been running on a continuous loop through my head ever since Stephen Colbert persuaded his guest to sing it as a duet with him on last night's show. I thought maybe writing out the lyrics here would help, but since it's only a few words that I can remember, it probably won't. I am a hopeless romantic, although hopefully not a helpless one! "Like a sickness and its cure, together." --Shakespeare in Love

It's Friday night, and Brenna and I are heading to Gaylord's, our default off-campus location. Lorian was going to come, but I think she's still in the photo lab and Halie changed her mind. If Brenna goes to Fenton's, which she usually does, I'm going to ask her to bring me a single scoop of mint chocolate chip ice cream. Gaylord's is the first place I've been that doesn't object to people bringing in outside food. That's either amazing, or I don't get out enough. I really want to travel the world when I graduate. Well, not literally. Europe yes, Middle East yes, Asia no, Australia no except for Sydney, South and Central America no, unless I knew someone or had a specific reason. I wish to land a bad-*ss job that allows me to travel, pays well, involves exposure to really interesting people, autonomy, creativity, upward mobility, and intellectual engagement. I'll find it! I know I will! People land dream jobs all the time, even if I...

A loud helicopter has been buzzing outside my window for almost half an hour, and I want it to go away. What is it doing? Who goes in circles for half an hour in a helicopter? A bad student with a worse instructor? It's not the traffic news people, and probably not the police, since it's daylight, unless they're chasing a suspect who is running in circles. It's so irritating. It's small and blue with a long pointy thing on the front, as if it were going to re-fuel another aircraft. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! It's ruining my Egypt paper! Damn it! Who do I call about this? I just called the local news about it. They said thanks and they'll look into it. Stupid helicopter. Stephen Colbert: "Hey America, nice ass!"

A glassy-eyed Jim Gilchrist was on tonight, and Stephen had him tripping over his words in no time. Gilchrist is the head of the organization "The Minutemen," who believe in "patrolling" our border with Mexico to prevent people from crossing the border. What an odd man. To devote that much time to trying to prevent immigrants from crossing our border...What is his day job, I wonder? Does he have one? A very politicized title for his organization, too, referring to an altogether different kind of group in our nation's history. I will bet that he is an alcoholic and/or a gay man in denial about it. Stephen proposed his favorite fireproof-alligator moat idea as his way to deal with illegal immigration. He also suggests putting up a short wall next to the large wall he wishes to see built on the border so that infants can't "crawl" across the border. Area Man Way Too Into Local County History LEWANAHO COUNTY, WI-Area resident Gary Pavlik's o...

YES! I just claimed The Church of Stephen Colbert url over at WordPress ! I'm so excited! My cyberspacial prowess is growing apace. My mood today.

Jon Stewart, on "The Daily Show," refers to the North Korea situation as "Northern Explosure." Well played, Jon! He also jokes that you must now be taller than Kim Jong Il in order to receive international aid. I'm just waiting to see if Sarah and company are bringing down any food with their beverages. Here is an interview with people who have been inside North Korea, given to Mike Wallace of "60 Minutes." It's appalling. The following is a list of reliable North Korea news and human rights websites: NKNET: Network for North Korean Democracy and Human Rights The Daily NK: The Hub of North Korean News The Chosun Journal: North Korea Human Rights Information and News

And that's where I need to be sometimes. I think that Dennis Hastert is guilty of covering up the Foley scandal, based on quotes I've heard from various news sources. It's so ironic that this whole situation reminds me of the Catholic Church scandals on several levels. It's so ironic that the GOP, who like to fashion themselves the bastion of the anti-gay, pro-"morality" establishment, are covering up sexual abuse on the inside while preaching moral perfection on the outside. I use "moral" very loosely here--in the sense in which the right has defined it--to include hate for gays; a narrow, dogmatic interpretation of Christianity; blatant disregard for fact (i.e. science), and intolerance of difference. The amount of hypocrisy shocks me. This is a direct result of society's refusal to acknowledge the normalcy, benevolence, and reality of homosexuality. Shame on those who perpetrate untruths that cause real harm to our children, adults, and...

I want to make sure that the person who loves me does so for who I am, not for who I try to be, want to be, or would rather be. And I want them to love me on their terms, not because of my machinations, which are born of insecurity. The irony is that I like myself very much, at my core, but I often act in ways that are unlikable (or that I don't like) because I'm insecure. It's not the real me that's unlikable, it's the fake me. The real me isn't perfect, by any means, but it's more real and more OK with being real than the fake me. I am so burned out. Maybe I'll go home tomorrow for the weekend, go to IKEA, see a movie, get some work done. Get a haircut, eyebrow wax, etc. I'm having dreadful food cravings. I used my Cingular upgrade to get a new phone, a new toy. My French paper deadline was pushed back a week, which is a relief, and I've cracked the seal on my Egypt paper. Haven't started Letters, yet, but I have some ideas for it...

We three: Dad. He looks so healthy here, and this wasn't even that long ago. I do not understand what happened. Mom. Post-American Airlines, pre-Diana? Me. Changing the world, one handful of sand at a time :-).

Voting! I love participating in elections, and hope to put some stuff up here having to do with the California election as I learn more about it. Here is the SF Chronicle's section on the election; I'm quite surprised at their largely "No" endorsements of the numbered measures and largely "Yes" votes for the lettered measures. This is a "relatively" non-partisan analysis of Santa Clara County's local and state measures [pdf].

I've been sending my politics classes articles or random things I come across that relate to the course content. It's really fun. I got a great email forward months ago from my friend Angela that had a bunch of photos of an extraordinary palace belonging to a sultan somewhere in the Persian Gulf region, I think. Regrettably, I deleted the email but I downloaded some of the pictures so I'll include some on this blog for your...er...edification. Home sweet home. Air-conditioned, chauffer-driven Bentley to run that errand to Kmart, anyone? A humble abode. This Audi is literally made out of real silver, custom-made for the sultan by Audi. Property taxes? Raise the roof! Would you sing in this shower? Not a desert mirage.

My good friend Jennifer just sent pics of her new baby, Kate. It's overwhelming. The cycle of life is starting all over again--Jen and I have baby photos together, with our moms, when they were young like we are now. I remember what Jen and her brother Scott looked like when they were tiny and now Jen's own daughter! I can't believe it. Can't believe we're old enough to be moms! Just overwhelming. Tears of joy relieve my drought. I can't wait to meet her; I just can't figure out when I'll have time to ditch my leash at school and go down there; I have two papers due on Monday and a midterm and another paper the following week, with news reviews due each week for the next three in "Developing Nations." Oh, and lots of reading. But life is too important to miss out on; they're only young once, and I've never met a really young infant before. So special. Finale of "Project Runway" is tonight; I'm watching just beca...

HOROSCOPE (from "The Onion") Your Birthday Today]: Dozens will be hospitalized this week after a bar brawl breaks out over a particularly divisive trivia question regarding the migratory patterns of monarch butterflies. Aries: Your repeated cries for help will be drowned out this week by a 300-pound man, a coarse length of rope, and a metal basin filled with water. Taurus: While everyone expresses affection in their own unique way, your approach of communicating it through plainspoken words and genuine sentiment is really starting to freak people out. Gemini: Unlike everything else in your life, you will take news this week of your skyrocketing cholesterol levels with a grain of salt. Cancer: You've never stood in the way of stem-cell research, and you never will, after next week's car wreck. Leo: While it’s been ages since you last cried about having no shoes, you’ll still keep running into that creepy man without feet every other week. Libra: After a month of...

I hope you'll forgive my ode to self-pity as I include some pictures here of me with more hair. I really can't get over this one, folks. Losing my hair does not agree with me one bit (medication side effect). Photo is pre-bipolar; I'm 14 or 15 here.

One of my favorite mottos, applicable in more situations than you might think. N. Korea Detonates 40 Years Of GDP PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA—The fiscal equivalent of 2.3 billion hot meals, 11 million housing units, and 1,700 hospitals was blown up below the earth's surface Monday.

Yuck. I'm reaching that point in the semester when I'm getting really tired and grinding to a halt. I feel tired to the bone, sleep-deprived, unmotivated, etc. I haven't missed many classes (just two so far), which is quite a success, given my track record at Pomona with untreated bipolar and a completely turned-around sleep schedule that I did not understand and could not control. I haven't even had time to get a haircut or eyebrow wax lately, which I'm sure you didn't need to know :-). I'm talking less in class, which might be a relief for some (who knows), but it's because I'm so tired my mind can't really follow what's going on and when I do hear myself sharing something it doesn't make much sense. I feel like I'm shutting down. Five academic classes is a lot. I Can't Stop Thinking About The Foreign-Policy Discussion We Had In The Shower Yesterday I can barely keep it together at work today. It's impossible to focus...

I haven't had a relationship with my body in so long--I remember abandoning it when bipolar hit because it was simply too painful to be present. I never understood what people at massage school meant when they said we carry lots of emotion in our body. It makes sense, though, because it's not really until it's safe to be me, to inhabit my "self," that I am free to realize where "I" am located. I guess I've spent so much time hating myself--I never used to--because the illness inflicted so much pain that there was nowhere for it to go but inward. I remember feeling so overcome with pain and misery that all I could do was despise myself. Such ugliness. And I didn't ask for any of it. I don't plan to play the "victim" role, but at the same time, I have been "victimized," by the illness, so I must deal with it somehow. I took the pain I was experiencing with the illness out on my own body, I think, and I think I'm j...

The sparks are flying, and some fur, too, here at Ethel Moore; the air is crackling with conflict and more than one stomach is in knots. What to do when people argue, someone gets hurt, a big ruckus ensues, and we're all like satellites, revolving vaguely around the situation but not actually in the midst of it? Well, we are smack in the middle of it, actually. Across the hall, down the hall, and around the corner from it. I think part of it was handled really inappropriately, and people were needlessly hurt for it. That makes me angry. I guess I just want to be true to myself and let the rest sort itself out, as far as who did what and what was wrong, should have been done differently, etc. I guess it's not OK to say unkind things about anyone else, but people do anyway. Where does one draw the line? Why am I so intent on giving my opinion even when people don't ask for it? I think I overvalue what I have to say sometimes, even though I know others appreciate it ...

Tonight at dinner, we, rather, Halie and Eden, talked about what it's like to be in our twenties and learning how to define ourselves. I feel like that process has not yet begun for me. I feel like I haven't really examined my character yet, and thought about what parts I want to keep and which to discard, or who I really am, as an independent person and not as a reactionary force to one thing or another. I feel like I finally get to figure all this out when I graduate in May and get out on my own for the first time. It's way overdue, obviously. I'm excited, though; I feel untested in many ways. I can't wait to start looking for a real job, finally! Halie thinks I should be a copyeditor. I think that's a great idea, and I'll add it to my list of ideas for employment. I'm doing so much research (for fun!) on the internet these days about international media organizations (and adding way too many links to my blogroll :-)) that I really want to focu...

I don't want to complain but at the same time I have so much to do that I feel really overwhelmed. Three papers due Monday; I'm stressing the Lawson paper the most because I don't know how to answer the question and there's a ton of material to cover. Hmm. Not too much else to say; I'm having fun adding widgets and links to my site; be sure to scroll all the way down to the bottom if you're interested, don't forget to browse the archives if by some miracle you find this blog entertaining. I may not blog for awhile with all this work ahead of me--but I'll be back! New Therapist Obsessed With Old Therapist STONE HARBOR, NJ—Dr. Peter Crosley, the psychotherapist seen by real-estate broker Rachel Falbaum since March, has become increasingly...

Al Gore supports this tax on oil companies so I do, too. I trust him on that issue. Apparently, the money from this tax would go toward research of alternative energy sources. A no-brainer, as far as I'm concerned, but then, I haven't read the voter's pamphlet. I'll also vote against whichever measure would require 48 hours notice or some delay with regard to abortion--again, I haven't read up on it--because I've been a sexual assault counselor for three years and have seen first-hand the importance of young women being able to make their own decisions with regard to their bodies, their futures, and their presents, if you will. I cannot stand it when people vote out of ideology, rather than first-hand experience.

One of the perks of living in Silicon Valley is getting free wireless access from one of the big companies. This means I can go to any cafe here and get access (and not have to pay Starbucks' ridiculous charges, unless they manage to manipulate the system). I could even check my email at a traffic light (not that I would, obviously) if I wanted to! I'm upstairs at my favorite cafe--the one at which I studied furiously my last quarter at Foothill before transferring--studying furiously because I have lots to do. My dad wants to go to a movie; I really hope I have the time to accomodate him, it just seems ridiculous to have to sacrifice real life yet again for school. In other news, I feel optimistic about getting a job and having a good life after graduation. I do want more education, but I want to work for a few years, pay off all my debt, and get a taste of the real world first. When people ask whom I'm inviting to graduation, I like to say "everyone I've ev...

"We better start walking up this hill, for exercise, so we can walk up this hill." --one construction worker to another as they walked up the hill to Founders

Tower Records has declared bankruptcy and the Tower in our town is liquidating its inventory. Very sad, since it's been a big hang-out place along with the cafe that used to be next door to it. I bought a bunch of academic journals at a great discount.

Some armchair psychoanalysis: I was thinking about the character of Geoffrey on "Project Runway," and learning in tonight's episode about his difficult childhood and subsequent drug abuse. He has a son now, and he's five years sober. I'm aware that addicts and alcoholics often have childish or obstinent attitudes about fairness, much the way kids think everything should be fair and get upset when they aren't. Adults seem to accept that life is inherently unfair, but adult addicts seem to retain some of their childish (and in Geoffrey's case, dishonest) behavior. Like a time warp. Grown-ups appear on the outside to be adults, but often are not. That's why you can only judge someone by their conduct, not always their age or outward attributes.

I'm laughing at my own joke, which probably isn't very cool. Nevertheless, Jon Stewart on "the Daily Show" last night had a segment mocking the Republican leadership's handling (or not handling) of the Foley scandal, and I adapted its title here for my own amusement. Another funny moment of Jon's was when he lampooned some dreadful schmuck of a congressman who claimed (or was it Pat Buchanan?) that all gay senators are also pedophiles, or that a cabal of gay men runs Congress, or something equally offensive, in a segment he titled "Opus Gaye." There was more to it than that, but I like the irony of turning a Catholic (quasi-Catholic?) institution title into a gay one. In other celluloid news, "Project Runway" is reaching its climax, with the intrigue building and accusations flying. I'm sure there's a formula that describes how much television should be watched per hour spent in class or per hour studying, for example, to provide...

am quite tired; got carried away arranging my new webfeeds (the latin america and africa news boxes).

When isn't there something dangerous/illegal going on in Oakland? On my way to BART to pick up Ryan, I zoomed through the really sketchy neighborhoods south of Mills on the way to International Boulevard and San Leandro near the Coliseum. Makes me so nervous. Getting close to the major streets, I noticed that the gates were down at a railroad crossing with the red lights flashing. Cars were taking turns weaving in between the gates and over the tracks, from both directions! Turns out the gates got stuck in the "down" position so buses couldn't get through and cars had to take turns. Very bizarre. Continuing on, most of the traffic lights in that whole area were out, so there was a sense of anarchy. Very discomforting. Seeing Ryan was great. He really made me laugh like I haven't laughed in a long time. I've been simmering in my own insecurities and self-doubt and there's nothing like an old friend to wash all of that away. He's doing well, I...

I've spent much of this weekend by myself, studying in my room. I could really use some solitude after all these years of avoiding the self, and doing homework is a very productive way to accomplish that. It doesn't take long to feel lonely, though, which is why it brightened my spirits so tremendously to hear from Ryan Calloway, who will be in town all day tomorrow! We're going to try to get together for dinner, which should be perfect. I'll probably take him to Fenton's, which I'm sure he'll love, or maybe we can go have drinks at his hotel and feel like grown-ups. Ben is so funny. He just had a birthday, and says he thinks adulthood is just an illusion because no matter how much older he gets, he still doesn't feel like an adult. I agree with him, and think it might actually be a generational thing--that things are so different for our generation that the line between youth and adulthood is quite blurred. Actually, because I lost my teens and m...

There is a woman who speaks VERY loudly in Spanish on her cell phone while at Founders--in line, while getting food, the entire time she's eating at the table, etc. It's so annoying! Everyone can hear her, whether they want to or not. It reminds me of the cell phone commercial that goes "Can you hear me now?" I wanted to put that in Spanish for the title of this post but so far I haven't found anyone who can translate it.

The soundtrack to an otherwise peaceful night of crickets chirping has begun: gunshots, screeching tires, and police and fire sirens. I don't want to be self-conscious anymore [I'm thumbing my nose at self-consciousness right now but you can't see it because this is cyberspace].

I want to go dancing, enjoy myself, and not worry about what anyone else thinks. That's huge; I'm normally very self-conscious about appearing attractive or desirable to others, and that is so inhibitive. I love to dance, and I want to do that right now! I wish I were out with friends; maybe we'll do that one of these nights. I feel like celebrating. I want to define fun on my own terms, which is freeing, not on anyone else's, which is not. The two songs running through my mind right now are "Dancing Queen" by ABBA and "I Want to Dance With Someone Who Loves Me" by--oh dear--Whitney Houston, I believe. I just feel like expressing myself, however corny that may sound. I have joy in my heart tonight, in spite of reading about Saddam's astonishing cruelty in the Iraq literature for my politics class. Ironically, what also comes to mind is the Audrey Hepburn commercial for "The Gap," in which she says, "I rather feel like expre...

And like Princess Aurora, we sleep for hundreds of years.

"Put on your Sunday clothes when you feel down and out!" [Hello Dolly!] Nothing terribly eventful, today; I really enjoy reading about Iraq--I'm getting caught up on all the different "al-Sadrs" and al-Hakim this, al-Basri that. I really miss dancing. The queer women down the hall are telling queer jokes about queer sex, I think. Good for them. I was going to stop in to say goodnight but I'm too tired and I didn't want to bother them. Brenna's so funny--she put "So long, suckers! I'm going to Santa Cruz" on her bulletin board, not realizing that none of us really wishes we were in Santa Cruz, therefore we aren't "suckers." I heard from a friend who's in Iraq; he's moving to Fallujah for a few months because the Marines are telling him to. He sounds a little bored, when he's not out trying to put some kind of cohesive unit of Iraqi military together. Goodnight! Ich ibn quite tired. Hasta mañana; tsc...

Iran 1979 Cuba 1959...

Halie Johnson and Lorien Apostol, tonight, defeated Team Germany and Team Hungary in decisive matches of pool. The entire EF program collapsed into a pile of dust upon hearing the news.

The tongue-in-cheek 2006 Ig Nobel Awards were recently given out. The prize for "Ornithology" went two researchers who examined why woodpeckers don't get headaches, and the "Nutrition" award went to some Kuwaiti scientists who showed that dung beetles are, surprisingly, finicky eaters (their study was published in the amusingly-titled "Journal of Arid Environments"). You can check out more of these odd findings at their website, Improbable Research .

Another frolicking, licentious evening here on the first floor of Ethel Moore at Mills College. No, of course not; I feel resigned to studying because I'll be out of school in May and have the rest of my life to have fun. I am where I am supposed to be. Misraq and Halie may stop in to study. The new Martin Scorsese flick looks great. Reporting live, from the dark side of la lune.

These would be über-offensive if they were uttered by anyone other than my boy Stephen Colbert: "Even Islamic terrorists don't hate America like liberals do. They don't have the energy. If they had that much energy, they'd have indoor plumbing by now." "There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell." "I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law." "I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Muslim, or Jewish. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior." "[North Korea] is a major threat. I just think it would be fun to nuke them and have it be a warning to the rest of the world."

I think I'm going to have Iraq be one of my two countries of analysis for Lawson's paper. The reading is really interesting so far, particularly because it's so pertinent to today's events.

World's Youngest Person Born

Not only was tonight's food selection perfectly dreadful (many types of sausages on the meat side, no entrée on the veggie side), but we were uniformly in a bad mood. Liz was bummed about her interview being moved, Lorien couldn't get anyone to see her side of the "silent treatment" argument, Eden apologized for being grouchy, and Sara kept insisting that she was in a good mood, despite not eating anything, which riled up the rest of us a bit. The girl next to me never got a word in edgewise. Amina and Misrak have been disagreeing ever more vehemently over a particular issue lately. I have no opinion and am staying out of it (I got to hear Misrak speak Amharic! Very exciting). Nike to Cease Manufacturing Products

stupid kids in the hallway making a lot of inconsiderate noise! grrr! good thing quiet hours start soon. i'm too old for dorm chaos, and belong in an embassy somewhere with really cool and interesting people. "They accuse Western troops of using night vision goggles to see through women's clothes, and of distributing pornography to children in the form of candy wrappers." [referring to followers of separatist Shi'i religious figure Muqtada al-Sadr] --Juan Cole, The Middle East Journal. Autumn 2003. Vol. 57, Iss. 4 Can I just say that I love studying Iraqi politics? my point in including the above citation is the extraordinary amount of misunderstanding going on between iraqis and coalition forces. just incredible, at times. Bumper Nilla Crop Spells Profit For Wafer Growers