Everyday Praxis
there really isn't much time for anything; it's remarkable. i like being productive, but little things slip through the cracks--haircut, pedicure, calling in for new meds (not little, obviously, but it's not slipping through the cracks, either). i'm not quite done with what i need to do for my french présentation demain, mais that's how it is. i need my sleep. i hardly have time to refill my little med containers for each week's supply.
i don't want to hear about all the pain going on in the world anymore; i want to disappear into a cocoon of love and bliss for awhile, dismantle anything and everything that causes me pain or discomfort inside of my head or out and take a break from it all. from the wounding and the being wounded. can't i take off my helmet and uniform and rest in a quiet place where there isn't a war raging (yes, i know i'm not in iraq or afghanistan or the zillion war zones around the globe). i think some people go through the world not hurting or being hurt. i don't know how that works. stop the turmoil; i want to get off!
it's late, i'm tired, and i have to get up early tomorrow. i'm pretty stressed about this presentation, partly because i feel like my group is mad at me or don't like me. i get really insecure when others react negatively to me, probably because i'm not detached enough to stand on my own two feet.
and that's another thing; my identity isn't formed in many ways. i feel like a toddler sometimes, learning to walk. there's a lot i don't know about myself. i feel surrounded by details, little fires that need putting out in the form of assignments and showing up to class, without room for much else. i have the french presentation tomorrow, along with reading on iraq i haven't done, tomorrow night i must write my fifth and final reaction paper for tuesday's "developing nations" class, and tuesday night i must write my french paper which is due on wednesday. on wednesday we receive our first examination essays from lawson, and i'll need to start thinking about my second Letters paper which is due next week or the week after.
and i still haven't pinned down financial aid; i'm told it's "in the works" but i really need to keep on the m center otherwise they'll float away into the ether (well, i think they're already there). yikes. and there's a reception in the government department tomorrow that i'm sure i'll be too tired to attend but i'd kind of like to be there.
i am pretty proud of the ideas i've come up with for my french presentation; i love interpreting literature because there's so much of yourself you can add to it. for the first poem, "Inde," I'm referring to "la voix" in the first line as the new voice of indianité, and the second poem, "Mon Sari et Mon Pays" becomes "Mon Sari est Mon Pays" which becomes "Mon Sari était Mon Pays." fabuloso. let's hope it sounds as good when i wake up tomorrow.
AND i want to get down to visit jen alan and kate soon, because i want to meet kate when she's tiny--i don't know anything about kids--but i don't know when. i don't even have time to do my physical therapy exercises! tension between enjoying my classes and schedule and not having enough time for basic needs.
my yoga mat is sitting un-yoga-ed-upon, for example. i don't watch much tv, i'm rarely at founders when my friends are b/of my crazy schedule...blogging matters because it's a creative project and a form of growth for me, so i do spend time here in good ole cyberspace. i dread falling asleep because i dread waking up. every tuesday i get to sleep in and i can't get myself to interrupt my snooze to go to ms. mehta's during her office hours to talk to her, which i've been meaning to do since last semester. i'm always afraid of oversleeping, and i still need to print out my sh*t for tomorrow. i REALLY don't want to miss my morning classes, but i'm afraid i will, even though i have perfect attendance (minus one doctor's appointment) so far this year i don't want to miss any classes. it's only early october; must leave room for the bird flu.
i don't want to hear about all the pain going on in the world anymore; i want to disappear into a cocoon of love and bliss for awhile, dismantle anything and everything that causes me pain or discomfort inside of my head or out and take a break from it all. from the wounding and the being wounded. can't i take off my helmet and uniform and rest in a quiet place where there isn't a war raging (yes, i know i'm not in iraq or afghanistan or the zillion war zones around the globe). i think some people go through the world not hurting or being hurt. i don't know how that works. stop the turmoil; i want to get off!
it's late, i'm tired, and i have to get up early tomorrow. i'm pretty stressed about this presentation, partly because i feel like my group is mad at me or don't like me. i get really insecure when others react negatively to me, probably because i'm not detached enough to stand on my own two feet.
and that's another thing; my identity isn't formed in many ways. i feel like a toddler sometimes, learning to walk. there's a lot i don't know about myself. i feel surrounded by details, little fires that need putting out in the form of assignments and showing up to class, without room for much else. i have the french presentation tomorrow, along with reading on iraq i haven't done, tomorrow night i must write my fifth and final reaction paper for tuesday's "developing nations" class, and tuesday night i must write my french paper which is due on wednesday. on wednesday we receive our first examination essays from lawson, and i'll need to start thinking about my second Letters paper which is due next week or the week after.
and i still haven't pinned down financial aid; i'm told it's "in the works" but i really need to keep on the m center otherwise they'll float away into the ether (well, i think they're already there). yikes. and there's a reception in the government department tomorrow that i'm sure i'll be too tired to attend but i'd kind of like to be there.
i am pretty proud of the ideas i've come up with for my french presentation; i love interpreting literature because there's so much of yourself you can add to it. for the first poem, "Inde," I'm referring to "la voix" in the first line as the new voice of indianité, and the second poem, "Mon Sari et Mon Pays" becomes "Mon Sari est Mon Pays" which becomes "Mon Sari était Mon Pays." fabuloso. let's hope it sounds as good when i wake up tomorrow.
AND i want to get down to visit jen alan and kate soon, because i want to meet kate when she's tiny--i don't know anything about kids--but i don't know when. i don't even have time to do my physical therapy exercises! tension between enjoying my classes and schedule and not having enough time for basic needs.
my yoga mat is sitting un-yoga-ed-upon, for example. i don't watch much tv, i'm rarely at founders when my friends are b/of my crazy schedule...blogging matters because it's a creative project and a form of growth for me, so i do spend time here in good ole cyberspace. i dread falling asleep because i dread waking up. every tuesday i get to sleep in and i can't get myself to interrupt my snooze to go to ms. mehta's during her office hours to talk to her, which i've been meaning to do since last semester. i'm always afraid of oversleeping, and i still need to print out my sh*t for tomorrow. i REALLY don't want to miss my morning classes, but i'm afraid i will, even though i have perfect attendance (minus one doctor's appointment) so far this year i don't want to miss any classes. it's only early october; must leave room for the bird flu.
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