Somebody to Love
I want to make sure that the person who loves me does so for who I am, not for who I try to be, want to be, or would rather be. And I want them to love me on their terms, not because of my machinations, which are born of insecurity. The irony is that I like myself very much, at my core, but I often act in ways that are unlikable (or that I don't like) because I'm insecure. It's not the real me that's unlikable, it's the fake me. The real me isn't perfect, by any means, but it's more real and more OK with being real than the fake me.
I am so burned out. Maybe I'll go home tomorrow for the weekend, go to IKEA, see a movie, get some work done. Get a haircut, eyebrow wax, etc. I'm having dreadful food cravings. I used my Cingular upgrade to get a new phone, a new toy. My French paper deadline was pushed back a week, which is a relief, and I've cracked the seal on my Egypt paper. Haven't started Letters, yet, but I have some ideas for it. Love is a tricky business. We pay a high price for wanting to make the right choice, agonizing over the choices we do or don't make, worrying about the ones we have made (well, speaking for myself). I've heard it said more than once that maybe arranged marriages really are the way to go. This marriage-for-love phenomenon is really new to the human species, anyway. Only about 50 years old, wouldn't you think? Women aren't obliged to marry for money anymore. We seem so intent on finding "the right person" that people will sometimes get divorced several times.
I'm watching Anderson Cooper on CNN. I haven't watched much TV at all lately, but my mind rebelled earlier tonight and stopped absorbing information, so I'm down here with a basic grammar French book, mindlessly filling in the answers and remembering what high school homework felt like. Anderson is covering the Foley scandal. Of course, hindsight is usually 20/20, and now I think I can see Foley's hidden life in the tension on his face, but who knows if I would have seen it before knowing about his behavior. Turns out he's gay, but in denial about it (according to a gay colleague of his) and so it's expressing itself in some unhealthy ways. More evidence that our society needs to become accepting of gay people, unconditionally and right now. Unfortunately, CNN has resorted to the formulaic "he said, she said; whose fault is it?" rhetoric. I guess Cooper doesn't have complete control over his show's content. They're even interviewing the priest who admits to having a sexual relationship with Foley a long time ago, and spoke by phone to CNN about it!
Molestation is endemic in the Catholic Church, and now that that is public information, there is no excuse for its continued obfuscation. It seems like the Republican leadership in the House has taken the same route the Church did, as far as claiming it had been taken care of or was no longer a problem when in fact it was.
I just don't want to be lonely anymore, but I have to figure myself out before that's possible.
I am so burned out. Maybe I'll go home tomorrow for the weekend, go to IKEA, see a movie, get some work done. Get a haircut, eyebrow wax, etc. I'm having dreadful food cravings. I used my Cingular upgrade to get a new phone, a new toy. My French paper deadline was pushed back a week, which is a relief, and I've cracked the seal on my Egypt paper. Haven't started Letters, yet, but I have some ideas for it. Love is a tricky business. We pay a high price for wanting to make the right choice, agonizing over the choices we do or don't make, worrying about the ones we have made (well, speaking for myself). I've heard it said more than once that maybe arranged marriages really are the way to go. This marriage-for-love phenomenon is really new to the human species, anyway. Only about 50 years old, wouldn't you think? Women aren't obliged to marry for money anymore. We seem so intent on finding "the right person" that people will sometimes get divorced several times.
I'm watching Anderson Cooper on CNN. I haven't watched much TV at all lately, but my mind rebelled earlier tonight and stopped absorbing information, so I'm down here with a basic grammar French book, mindlessly filling in the answers and remembering what high school homework felt like. Anderson is covering the Foley scandal. Of course, hindsight is usually 20/20, and now I think I can see Foley's hidden life in the tension on his face, but who knows if I would have seen it before knowing about his behavior. Turns out he's gay, but in denial about it (according to a gay colleague of his) and so it's expressing itself in some unhealthy ways. More evidence that our society needs to become accepting of gay people, unconditionally and right now. Unfortunately, CNN has resorted to the formulaic "he said, she said; whose fault is it?" rhetoric. I guess Cooper doesn't have complete control over his show's content. They're even interviewing the priest who admits to having a sexual relationship with Foley a long time ago, and spoke by phone to CNN about it!
Molestation is endemic in the Catholic Church, and now that that is public information, there is no excuse for its continued obfuscation. It seems like the Republican leadership in the House has taken the same route the Church did, as far as claiming it had been taken care of or was no longer a problem when in fact it was.
I just don't want to be lonely anymore, but I have to figure myself out before that's possible.
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