I Am Not a House of Cards

Though other people seem to think I am, sometimes. I have never "fit in." I have never not felt different. I don't know what it's like to blend in, to not be self-conscious, to not constantly think about how I can't relate to anyone around me. Except summer school, but that was fleeting. I felt invisible there, in a good way--one of the crowd, just like everyone else, and it changed my life. It gave me hope that that is possible, out there somewhere, and it's worth not giving up.

We are grounded tonight, since my car has a flat and no one else has a car. Bummer. Good thing we got out earlier today.

This one internship I've been trading phone calls with isn't sitting well with me. It's very political and a little pretentious--is there a theme among some non-profits of pretension? The person on the phone today used the word "shan't," which I've only ever heard from my British-influenced dad.

Comments

Diana said…
hi claire,

there is a terrible deficit of claire-ness here. we're also missing some other very important people. "we" constitutes lorien, of course, amina, eden, brenna...that's all who come to mind right now, of the original gang. come visit for a bit! we'd love to have you. i miss chara terribly. i don't think you met her. she and i were inseparable last semester. take good care, write whenever you wish.
10:49 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

We Are Human

it's how we deal with it that matters. had a long talk over lunch with misrak about racism. she has a lot to say, and a lot to deal with. she talked about the appalling attitude of a woman she recently worked with. it's very eye-opening to hear "the other side of the story," i.e. a person of color talking about being on the receiving end of racism. it's heartbreaking and horrifying, and an education in itself. lots of work remains to be done.
Read more

The Clear Light of Day

my mom helped me put a piece of the puzzle into place today. it's all about clarity; and the more clearly i see it for what it really is, the more able i am to let go of it. we had talked about abuse and repeating behavior patterns, etc., and agreed that we were both committed to doing things differently. the abuse began to sneak in, though, and i can see that sh*t coming a mile away and knew exactly what it was when it hit. and, i didn't believe it. in retrospect, that's what it was. a kink in her operating system she wasn't dealing with. automatic danger. it's one thing if folks are prepared to deal with all of their stuff, but if they're in denial about anything, it's just going to get larger and larger until something is done. it was always going to go in just one direction. the signs were there. there really is such a thing as "too good to be true." if that's "too good to be true," then what's the real deal? where
Read more

Trimming the Fat

weeding through my entire blog--there are almost 1400 posts! quality over quantity; getting rid of stuff that seems irrelevent or misplaced or superfluous or otherwise dissatisfactory. saw a great documentary on the History Channel today about Hitler's family. turns out there are still a few living in the US! they've also had a good series on the SS, but, most importantly, tomorrow night they start the entire " Band of Brothers " series! i never tire of watching it. literally! i'm 15 pounds lighter with muscle to boot. can't believe it. cutting sugar and flour really works. started bob tonight, just love it. i'd like to get the soundtrack. dentist on friday. i'd like to get my blog to about 1000 posts. quite time consuming. turning in is the answer, not out. growth, expansion, new life. it's about time. i am so stale, and i can hardly breathe in here. the window hasn't been open for ages, and i cannot feel fresh air on my face or see the out
Read more