"Stephen's Sound Advice"
Protecting Your Online Identity, By Stephen Colbert:
1. Always type with your non-dominant hand, so your emails are not in your regular handwriting.
2. Pick the right password--one that even you can't remember, let alone anyone else--just close your eyes and slap the keyboard a few times.
3. To avoid your credit card info from being stolen, get hundreds of credit cards, and never use the same one twice. Destroy each one after using it. This way, if a charge appears, you'll know it wasn't you!
4. Get spyware. "De-frag" your hard drive. I don't know what that means but i overheard a computer nerd say it. I think it's where your computer moves a bunch of rectangles around to make it feel better.
5. Tighten security on your search history by doing a fake search for every real search that you do. Then, add the phrase "I am not Stephen Colbert" to every search.
6. Avoid viruses. Be sure to wash your computer once a month, using a mild detergent, distilled water and a gentle brush.
1. Always type with your non-dominant hand, so your emails are not in your regular handwriting.
2. Pick the right password--one that even you can't remember, let alone anyone else--just close your eyes and slap the keyboard a few times.
3. To avoid your credit card info from being stolen, get hundreds of credit cards, and never use the same one twice. Destroy each one after using it. This way, if a charge appears, you'll know it wasn't you!
4. Get spyware. "De-frag" your hard drive. I don't know what that means but i overheard a computer nerd say it. I think it's where your computer moves a bunch of rectangles around to make it feel better.
5. Tighten security on your search history by doing a fake search for every real search that you do. Then, add the phrase "I am not Stephen Colbert" to every search.
6. Avoid viruses. Be sure to wash your computer once a month, using a mild detergent, distilled water and a gentle brush.
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