Internship/Job/Rest of My Life Anxiety

researching internships is stressful because it makes me think of my life post-graduation. i have no idea what i want to do or who would hire me. i feel absolutely at sea. i've been clinging to school like a life raft all these years, becaues without a degree i'm not employable. plus, i've always wanted to graduate, it wasn't my plan to get derailed.

anyway. i guess the best thing to do is to just start applying and see what happens. i'm worried about getting something i absolutely hate and am terrible at. i just have no faith in myself or the system. and i worry about money, always, because i'll graduate with so much debt and then there are my medical expenses/SSDI situation.

i don't even know what kinds of jobs are out there, and i don't know if i want a corporate environment or what an alternative might be--working in a lab (no thanks), being a psychologist (maybe)...working outdoors (no), with kids (not primarily), teaching (as part of something else, perhaps). something brainy and semi-academic and challenging, to do with the international arena and languages. how am i even supposed to find out what is out there? what the opportunities are?

law school? a master's degree in something? phd in linguistics? i have no idea what direction to go in because i have little experience and little knowledge about myself in the job sense. i've been in school forever already. where am i supposed to make friends and meet people?

none of these internships really makes my heart beat faster; i have no idea what i would find meaningful. i want to be able to be myself in a job, not put some fake corporate mask on and worry about things that have no meaning in the grand scheme of things, like third quarter profits.

and then there's the chance that i'll fall into something i never thought i'd like and it would be perfect.

i guess i'll just put one foot in front of the next, listen to myself, and choose to have faith that everything will work out.

I would love to work for a project like "The Colbert Report," that involves politics, humor, and wordplay. I love trying to identify accents and analyzing just about anything, in particular people and personalities, down to the bones. I'm a decent writer, though I could really use some practice and polish.

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